[The American Reality]
You've all heard it, the tale of someone starting a multibillion dollar software company in their garage, or someone who designs a special bike for people who only have use of their arms.
These people end up making millions of dollars and becoming famous. It's called the American Dream, isn't it? The American Dream is that noble cause that everyone is supposed to follow, that "Work hard and anyone, even you make a name for yourself" philosophy that everyone has.
The truth is that the American Dream is just that, a dream. Like almost every dream, this one is unattainable. The American Dream is a false philosophy. No matter how hard you work, there's a great possibility that you will be left behind in the wake of the people who will step on you to move up.
In this country, the hardest workers are usually the ones who are continually left behind. Take a look at the class of people called "Blue Collar." These are the good ol' boys, the coal miners, the farmers, and the people who put in a good day's work every day, and collect a modest paycheck at the end of the week. You look at the "White Collar" folks, and you'll see a great contrast. The rich people are getting richer, and they're doing less and less work. People in the top of the big companies that make everything "easier" for us are the ones that mainly just sit at home and watch TV, or just go out and play golf on their own private course on one of their islands in the Carribean. They are the lazy ones that make humanity so incredibly disgusting. Yes, it is easier to find the bad points in people than the good ones, but when you look at people as a hole, you won't see the good ones that hold up the rest of them. No, you'll only see the "creme de la creme," the ones who are standing on top of everyone else.
So, where's all this going? Where is this rant on the unfairness of American life headed? This isn't a post that I just ran off. I've been thinking about this for quite some time now, and the only way I can think of educating the masses is through my writing. All I'm trying to say is that it matters none whether you work yourself to the bone or just fuck off your whole life, you'll end up under six feet of dirt anyway.
Bottom Line:
The American Dream: Work hard and you can make your dreams come true.
The American Reality: Work hard and get left behind and stepped upon your whole life.
Tuesday, March 30, 2004
Thursday, March 11, 2004
[chin up, dipshit]
Last night, before I went to sleep, I got a peptalk from Ben. The last words that he said to me are the title for tonight's blog post. Today, wehn I woke up, I remembered him telling me this and for some reason it stayed in my mins all through school and afterwards too. Most of the time I wouldn't have given it a second thought if Ben called me a dipshit--it happens almost hourly--but for this one instance, I just couldn't forget about it. And for some reason, it was this one thought that got me through the day. I don't quite know why, but I guess it was Ben that made me feel a lot better. I guess it was a kick in the ass that I needed more than anything.
When we were talking, it suddenly came across me that, yes, my problem was pretty tough for me, but there are people out there who have it much worse off that I ever have. I don't know any, but they're probably out there somewhere.
I guess "I still want to be good friends" means Laura doesn't want to talk to me anymore. It's her loss.
Tomorrow night we're having a LAN party at Seth's house. Everyone is invited, as we're pretty resourceful when we need to get stuff. Seth is going to boost a few tables from work if he needs to, and last time they made a table out of computer cases. Ben uses laptops as mousepads, and we use Seth's little brother to vent any gamerage we build up. He's one angry little freshman, so it won't do any harm to make him a little more mad, will it?
Today was the start of the Track and Field team's season, so I went to the meeting. I don't know if I can work and do track at the same time...
Ordered my class ring today too. $159.64 at Wally World--you can tell by the .64 at the end (not .99 or .95, but .64)--compared to $350.00 for the same one...
Nothing else of note happened today, so I guess I'm off to that magical land called sleep.
The Lost Soul
What sign of the Black Zodiac are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
--Jake
Last night, before I went to sleep, I got a peptalk from Ben. The last words that he said to me are the title for tonight's blog post. Today, wehn I woke up, I remembered him telling me this and for some reason it stayed in my mins all through school and afterwards too. Most of the time I wouldn't have given it a second thought if Ben called me a dipshit--it happens almost hourly--but for this one instance, I just couldn't forget about it. And for some reason, it was this one thought that got me through the day. I don't quite know why, but I guess it was Ben that made me feel a lot better. I guess it was a kick in the ass that I needed more than anything.
When we were talking, it suddenly came across me that, yes, my problem was pretty tough for me, but there are people out there who have it much worse off that I ever have. I don't know any, but they're probably out there somewhere.
I guess "I still want to be good friends" means Laura doesn't want to talk to me anymore. It's her loss.
Tomorrow night we're having a LAN party at Seth's house. Everyone is invited, as we're pretty resourceful when we need to get stuff. Seth is going to boost a few tables from work if he needs to, and last time they made a table out of computer cases. Ben uses laptops as mousepads, and we use Seth's little brother to vent any gamerage we build up. He's one angry little freshman, so it won't do any harm to make him a little more mad, will it?
Today was the start of the Track and Field team's season, so I went to the meeting. I don't know if I can work and do track at the same time...
Ordered my class ring today too. $159.64 at Wally World--you can tell by the .64 at the end (not .99 or .95, but .64)--compared to $350.00 for the same one...
Nothing else of note happened today, so I guess I'm off to that magical land called sleep.
The Lost Soul
What sign of the Black Zodiac are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
--Jake
Wednesday, March 10, 2004
[Why I Think God Hates Me]
While I was at work today I realized that there are quite a few times in my life where God has demonstrated how much he doesn't like me. Here are a few examples:
--Age 0: I was born 6 weeks early with severe jaundice, I nearly died.
--Age 3: I accidently ingested half of a cup of antifreeze. I almost died.
--Age 7: I stepped on a stud bracket, severing a major artery in my foot and nearly bled to death.
--Age 9: I was hit by a truck, completely demolishing my new bike. I stayed in the hospital's ICU for a week, then had nearly a year of rehabilitory therapy. With a major concussion, punctured lung, and broken pelvis, I wasn't in very good shape. I've never been as good at running since, and I have arthritis in my knee as well.
--Age 10: My dad died of a heart attack just after leading my soccer team to a 2nd place in the town's tournament.
--Age 13: Sami, my first girlfriend ditches me for another guy (23 days). My mom marries John Miner, one of the worst decisions she has made to date.
--Age 14: Deanna, my second girlfriend refuses to talk to me (16 days). I still haven't found out why. Kathy, my third girlfriend dumps me the day before my 15th birthday (26 days).
--Age 15: Chelsea, my fourth girlfriend, and a girl I had a crush on for almost a year, tells me that she's been cheating on me and dumps me at a school dance (6 days--and yes, she did cheat on me in 6 days). I meet Laura, and she starts going out with a close friend of mine, Matt. By the end of the summer, my girlfriend Sarah decides she doesn't want to risk drifting away from me during the school year and dumps me.
--Age 16: I reconnect with Laura and we start dating. Three days later, she tells me that she "just isn't ready for another boyfriend," though she was the one that wanted me to ask her out.
If the rest of my life is as bad as the first 16 years, I think I may want out. I have deduced that God hates me because, as you may be able to pick out from the events listed above, nearly every time I am really happy, or I start to get happy, something happens to put a quick end to that.
What do you think? Comment if you wish--that's why I put that comment collector up.
While I was at work today I realized that there are quite a few times in my life where God has demonstrated how much he doesn't like me. Here are a few examples:
--Age 0: I was born 6 weeks early with severe jaundice, I nearly died.
--Age 3: I accidently ingested half of a cup of antifreeze. I almost died.
--Age 7: I stepped on a stud bracket, severing a major artery in my foot and nearly bled to death.
--Age 9: I was hit by a truck, completely demolishing my new bike. I stayed in the hospital's ICU for a week, then had nearly a year of rehabilitory therapy. With a major concussion, punctured lung, and broken pelvis, I wasn't in very good shape. I've never been as good at running since, and I have arthritis in my knee as well.
--Age 10: My dad died of a heart attack just after leading my soccer team to a 2nd place in the town's tournament.
--Age 13: Sami, my first girlfriend ditches me for another guy (23 days). My mom marries John Miner, one of the worst decisions she has made to date.
--Age 14: Deanna, my second girlfriend refuses to talk to me (16 days). I still haven't found out why. Kathy, my third girlfriend dumps me the day before my 15th birthday (26 days).
--Age 15: Chelsea, my fourth girlfriend, and a girl I had a crush on for almost a year, tells me that she's been cheating on me and dumps me at a school dance (6 days--and yes, she did cheat on me in 6 days). I meet Laura, and she starts going out with a close friend of mine, Matt. By the end of the summer, my girlfriend Sarah decides she doesn't want to risk drifting away from me during the school year and dumps me.
--Age 16: I reconnect with Laura and we start dating. Three days later, she tells me that she "just isn't ready for another boyfriend," though she was the one that wanted me to ask her out.
If the rest of my life is as bad as the first 16 years, I think I may want out. I have deduced that God hates me because, as you may be able to pick out from the events listed above, nearly every time I am really happy, or I start to get happy, something happens to put a quick end to that.
What do you think? Comment if you wish--that's why I put that comment collector up.
Tuesday, March 09, 2004
[A Big Ball of Suck]
That's about what my life is at this point. I got dumped (again) this afternoon, and I'm not feeling too good.
I've been thinking a lot though. About girls, about my life, and about me. I've come to realize that pretty much everything I've ever sone just ends up hurting me in the end. Letting my feelings open up to anyone has nearly killed me more than once, but I still let it happen, over and over again. They say it's a sign of stupidity, doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results with each new try. I may have to agree with them, because I have to be really stupid to let myself get hurt over and over doing the same things over and over.
At most, three people read this blog, including myself, and Ben, who just reads it to make fun of me, so I'm pretty sure I know just about everyone who has read it before. You all know that I'm not perfect, but I'd consider myself a nice person, though I must not be good enough for anyone out there. Sure, they all say things, like "I really like you, but now's not the time for me, " or the ever-popular "I think we should just be friends from now on." What these really mean is that the girl has gotten sick of me and they want to get rid of me as quickly and as easily as possible for them to. I know from experience--five girls in less than two years.
But this time is different. Yes, I've been through being dumped plenty of times, but this time hurts me more than any of the others. I don't know if it's the fact that I made a new record of a three day relationship that makes it hurt so much, or the fact that she creid for an hour when she realized she didn't like me anymore.
I have a major guilt complex and I feel responsible for a lot of things. Tonight, though, I realized that even though I've done some really stupid stuff over the years, I actually made a girl cry today. A girl I care for, no less. It makes me feel just a little more like a reject just knowing this, and I don't know if I can handle knowing that I made a girl cry just by being me.
I've been told that this isn't my fault, that I'm a good person, every piece of crap that anyone can pull out of their ass to try and make me feel better. I can't help but think, though, that it's a little weird for so many girls that I know and like to be at fault for broken relationships. I mean: five girls dumped me after going out for less than a month! Am I that annoying? Probably. I tell everyone that I know what I think, when I think it--and no matter how stupid I feel afterwards, I've never taken anything I say back. You'll notice that I leave each and every post up on this blog, untouched, other than to correct grammatical or typographical errors.
Sometimes, I think some really stupid stuff, and this evening was no exception. A lot of things went through my mind tonight, thoughts about hurting myself, thoughts of just giving up altogether on life, and thoughts of flat-out going crazy. But then I realized that I was being selfish. This was as hard on Laura as it was on me--if not worse--and it would only make it worse for her if I did something stupid because of it.
I still like her and there's nothing that could ever change that, and I will never do anything that would hurt her. I've seen it before, but never really understood the feeling that people get when they are in love. I wonder if this is it?
I still care very much for her and I am willing to wait until the end of the world for her if that's how long it will take.
That's about what my life is at this point. I got dumped (again) this afternoon, and I'm not feeling too good.
I've been thinking a lot though. About girls, about my life, and about me. I've come to realize that pretty much everything I've ever sone just ends up hurting me in the end. Letting my feelings open up to anyone has nearly killed me more than once, but I still let it happen, over and over again. They say it's a sign of stupidity, doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results with each new try. I may have to agree with them, because I have to be really stupid to let myself get hurt over and over doing the same things over and over.
At most, three people read this blog, including myself, and Ben, who just reads it to make fun of me, so I'm pretty sure I know just about everyone who has read it before. You all know that I'm not perfect, but I'd consider myself a nice person, though I must not be good enough for anyone out there. Sure, they all say things, like "I really like you, but now's not the time for me, " or the ever-popular "I think we should just be friends from now on." What these really mean is that the girl has gotten sick of me and they want to get rid of me as quickly and as easily as possible for them to. I know from experience--five girls in less than two years.
But this time is different. Yes, I've been through being dumped plenty of times, but this time hurts me more than any of the others. I don't know if it's the fact that I made a new record of a three day relationship that makes it hurt so much, or the fact that she creid for an hour when she realized she didn't like me anymore.
I have a major guilt complex and I feel responsible for a lot of things. Tonight, though, I realized that even though I've done some really stupid stuff over the years, I actually made a girl cry today. A girl I care for, no less. It makes me feel just a little more like a reject just knowing this, and I don't know if I can handle knowing that I made a girl cry just by being me.
I've been told that this isn't my fault, that I'm a good person, every piece of crap that anyone can pull out of their ass to try and make me feel better. I can't help but think, though, that it's a little weird for so many girls that I know and like to be at fault for broken relationships. I mean: five girls dumped me after going out for less than a month! Am I that annoying? Probably. I tell everyone that I know what I think, when I think it--and no matter how stupid I feel afterwards, I've never taken anything I say back. You'll notice that I leave each and every post up on this blog, untouched, other than to correct grammatical or typographical errors.
Sometimes, I think some really stupid stuff, and this evening was no exception. A lot of things went through my mind tonight, thoughts about hurting myself, thoughts of just giving up altogether on life, and thoughts of flat-out going crazy. But then I realized that I was being selfish. This was as hard on Laura as it was on me--if not worse--and it would only make it worse for her if I did something stupid because of it.
I still like her and there's nothing that could ever change that, and I will never do anything that would hurt her. I've seen it before, but never really understood the feeling that people get when they are in love. I wonder if this is it?
I still care very much for her and I am willing to wait until the end of the world for her if that's how long it will take.
[I am not an atomic playboy.]
Bleh.
It's all crappy outside, I've got a cold, and Laura says she's sick. I hate winter. A lot. No. More than that. A ton.
Today has sucked so far, and to top it all off, I have to go to work in an hour.
Ugh.
It's tuesday, so *hopefully* it won't be too busy at the Basket tonight. I stopped by last night after I dropped Laura off at her house and it wasn't too bad in there, and usually tuesday is a calm night becuase everyone is out of money (like me).
Yarg.
I don't have a whole lat I can do in an hour, so I'm just sitting here listening to Bassic's Daydreamer CD. He released it a little more than a year ago for free download off his website, so I got it. Then, he started charging for it and coincidentaly I had to reformat my hard drive soon after. So I backed up all my media to Seth's computer and He just burned me the CD again. *yay* Bassic is awesome. I love his EI song. A lot.
Eh.
Nothing else to write about at the moment.
--Jake
Bleh.
It's all crappy outside, I've got a cold, and Laura says she's sick. I hate winter. A lot. No. More than that. A ton.
Today has sucked so far, and to top it all off, I have to go to work in an hour.
Ugh.
It's tuesday, so *hopefully* it won't be too busy at the Basket tonight. I stopped by last night after I dropped Laura off at her house and it wasn't too bad in there, and usually tuesday is a calm night becuase everyone is out of money (like me).
Yarg.
I don't have a whole lat I can do in an hour, so I'm just sitting here listening to Bassic's Daydreamer CD. He released it a little more than a year ago for free download off his website, so I got it. Then, he started charging for it and coincidentaly I had to reformat my hard drive soon after. So I backed up all my media to Seth's computer and He just burned me the CD again. *yay* Bassic is awesome. I love his EI song. A lot.
Eh.
Nothing else to write about at the moment.
--Jake
Monday, March 08, 2004
["Well, that was interesting"]
Just got back from the movies a little bit ago. Went to see Starsky and Hutch with Laura, and that's the first thing the said after the movie was over. I get the feeling she didn't like the movie too much. Personally, I didn't think it was all that great either, but it was worth it because of the company.
Just got back from the movies a little bit ago. Went to see Starsky and Hutch with Laura, and that's the first thing the said after the movie was over. I get the feeling she didn't like the movie too much. Personally, I didn't think it was all that great either, but it was worth it because of the company.
Sunday, March 07, 2004
[Duct Tape Use #125: Toilet Seat Cover]
I can't seem to understand it, but there was been one thing that all of my thoghts have revolved around for the past couple of days. Whether I'm cleaning my car, as I did this morning, or I'm at work cleaning up the mess of Ranch Dressing someone decided to leave in the middle of an aisle, there has been one thing on my mind: Whitesnake. lol, no, not Whitesnake. It's been Laura, my girlfriend. Yes, believe it or not, I am going out with someone, like I said in my last post. And unlike some other people I know, we aren't the kind of couple that bases our relationship on lust (at least not yet :P). There's no way that can explain why I like her as much as I do. She's smart, she's funny, and she's really pretty too. How she ended up liking me, of all people, I'll never know.
I sit here in my computer chair, in front of my computer screen, trying to hear the music from my headphones over the blenderlike noises coming from my computer, and no matter what is going on, I just can't seem to stop thinking about her. My one fear at this point is that we'll grow apart like she and Matt did. Yes, Matt, her last boyfriend (I think), and one of my close friends. I don't konw why I've done it, but I broke one of my personal rules by dating my friend's ex. No, it's not like she's his property or anything, but I just usually don't make it a habit to do this. I haven't talked to him since the morning before Laura and I started going out, but I can't help but wonder how he feels about all this. *le sigh* I just hope he isn't too mad...
I can't seem to understand it, but there was been one thing that all of my thoghts have revolved around for the past couple of days. Whether I'm cleaning my car, as I did this morning, or I'm at work cleaning up the mess of Ranch Dressing someone decided to leave in the middle of an aisle, there has been one thing on my mind: Whitesnake. lol, no, not Whitesnake. It's been Laura, my girlfriend. Yes, believe it or not, I am going out with someone, like I said in my last post. And unlike some other people I know, we aren't the kind of couple that bases our relationship on lust (at least not yet :P). There's no way that can explain why I like her as much as I do. She's smart, she's funny, and she's really pretty too. How she ended up liking me, of all people, I'll never know.
I sit here in my computer chair, in front of my computer screen, trying to hear the music from my headphones over the blenderlike noises coming from my computer, and no matter what is going on, I just can't seem to stop thinking about her. My one fear at this point is that we'll grow apart like she and Matt did. Yes, Matt, her last boyfriend (I think), and one of my close friends. I don't konw why I've done it, but I broke one of my personal rules by dating my friend's ex. No, it's not like she's his property or anything, but I just usually don't make it a habit to do this. I haven't talked to him since the morning before Laura and I started going out, but I can't help but wonder how he feels about all this. *le sigh* I just hope he isn't too mad...
Saturday, March 06, 2004
[New Blogger Posting Method]
"I should be updating more often." Sorry about that.
Today was the last day of our FIRST competition. It was held at the Verizon Wireless Arena in Manchester, New Hampshire. We locals just call it the Verizon. Well last year we placed "42nd out of 42 teams" as Mr Kelly said to the newscaster interviewing him. Today we were in the third place alliance. Woot.
Even more interesting than the competition is the award that we won. Ryan Cummings, our programmer, made one of the best efforts I've ever seen or make this robot work. This year he programmed eight different types of codes and constructed a program box to load each of them before each match. For his efforts, we got the Leadership in Programming Award, a very high honor. Just as his luck happens to fall, he left early last night to go to his friend's house.
Better than that, I got Woodie Flowers to take one of my bandanas. It took some trying, but it eventually worked out well. I told him to take it and he said "Well, I don't think I can take that, but how about you sign my shirt?" Eventually, I got him to take the bandana. No big deal, right? Well you don't know Woodie Flowers, then. He usually refuses to take things from students because he feels too modest, like we're better than him. Whatever.
Even better than that, Over the past three days, I got much closer to my friend Laura. So close, in fact, that we started going out. :)
Guess that's all for now. Later.
--Jake
"I should be updating more often." Sorry about that.
Today was the last day of our FIRST competition. It was held at the Verizon Wireless Arena in Manchester, New Hampshire. We locals just call it the Verizon. Well last year we placed "42nd out of 42 teams" as Mr Kelly said to the newscaster interviewing him. Today we were in the third place alliance. Woot.
Even more interesting than the competition is the award that we won. Ryan Cummings, our programmer, made one of the best efforts I've ever seen or make this robot work. This year he programmed eight different types of codes and constructed a program box to load each of them before each match. For his efforts, we got the Leadership in Programming Award, a very high honor. Just as his luck happens to fall, he left early last night to go to his friend's house.
Better than that, I got Woodie Flowers to take one of my bandanas. It took some trying, but it eventually worked out well. I told him to take it and he said "Well, I don't think I can take that, but how about you sign my shirt?" Eventually, I got him to take the bandana. No big deal, right? Well you don't know Woodie Flowers, then. He usually refuses to take things from students because he feels too modest, like we're better than him. Whatever.
Even better than that, Over the past three days, I got much closer to my friend Laura. So close, in fact, that we started going out. :)
Guess that's all for now. Later.
--Jake
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