[Wasting Time]
This morning my idiot of a little sister screamed at me for an hour because I told her to clean HER cat's litter box, and she's too lazy to do it. So finally I just said that I was sick of her shit and went into my room.
And then she calls my mom and says "HE was yelling at me!" Because if Little Miss Perfect doesn't get her way she HAS to bitch and moan until she does. And my mom gets on the phone and starts yelling at me because I OBVIOUSLY yell at her soooooo much. And I told her that THIS, this kind of SHIT that I have to deal with all the time, THIS is why I want out of here. THIS is the reason I don't want to live here anymore.
Who the fuck would willingly submit to THIS for another four years, why the fuck would I give up my life for another four years JUST TO GET THIS SHIT AT SEVEN IN THE MORNING?
No wait, I am the one that's wrong here. It's only LOGICAL for me to stay here because I SAVE HER THE MONEY TO PAY FOR COLLEGE. GUESS WHAT...I'M PAYING NO MATTER WHAT. I GOT TO SCHOOL AND I PAY TUITION. I STAY HERE AND I LOSE MY SANITY.
And it's not like this is all that pisses me off so much. It's just shit like this that I deal with every fucking day that sets me off. I mean there's no end to it all. At night idiots won't give me space to breathe, and during the day it's impossible to escape them.
I go to school and see morons running around in wigger-wear; these are the kids that are too stupid to see that they're definately NOT black and they wear the clothes that make them look more like retards. These are the kids that wear clothes from like South Pole or I don't even know what the fuck else because they think it makes them look ghetto-er. Why the fuck would you want to look like you were poor? I have nothing against poor people, but the people that have to wear shit like that probably don't want to. These companies aren't making any money off of the people that first wore those clothes. They're making all their money off of the idiots that think they need to look black to be cool. A note to all you kids out there on the internet: just being black doesn't make you cool.
Then I go to work and have to deal with all the shit there too. It used to be morons that wanted their 50 thousand cans bagged, each in a paper bag. Now it's much worse. Now I have to deal with kids that have no respect for anyone. Why? Because their parents give them every fucking thing they want and don't make them learn any manners out of it. These kids will scream across a room for their idiot cohort to give them something because they're too lazy to get off their fat lazy ass and walk 10 feet to get it themself.
Then I come home just to hear my mom yell at me for two hours about college, and how it doesn't make any sense at all for me to move out and go to school. She says "All I'm saying is that it's LOGICAL for you to stay here and go to school at the technical college for $6,000 a year instead of moving out and paying $20,000 to live at school." Cheaper, yes. Logical, no. As I stated before, I'm going crazy here. I deal with so much shit on a daily basis from my shithead sister and everyone else here that I can't stand it. The worst part is, no matter how wrong anyone else is, I'm still stuck with all the blame. Why? Because I am the one that's ALWAYS wrong.
I go on my computer, online to escape. To escape the rest of my life because I can't stand it. And as soon as I go on, some kid starts bothering me. This is a kid that can't even speak english, and HE'S playing out that HE is better than me. I'm not saying like he thinks Ebonics is a real language. I mean he can't even speak english half the time. He says to me last night, "I'd like to see you pick up another language like I did, then you can come back at me and talk about how I can't speak english." How about French, Spanish, Italian, HTML, C, C++? There's...one, two, three, four, five...six languages I've learned in the past 5 years. Sorry I didn't beat your record of four years, but I think I didn manage to make up for that with the fact that I did six instead of just one.
It wouldn't be so bad if he just couldn't speak english. But when every night he comes back to me just to tell me about how much better he is than I am that pisses me off. It wouldn't even be so bad if he were, in fact better than me. But he isn't, not in the least. He's a bigotous, uneducated idiot that thinks he knows everything about EVERYTHING because he's foreign.
I mean, this is the kid that tries to tell me EVERY night that the president started a draft, just so that we could go to war some more. That's one opinion. The misrepresentation of facts pisses me off though. You see third-party, unbiased magazines, such as the E-Talking Head that have said all along that Kerry's draft was just that, KERRY'S DRAFT. Moreover, we have such other sites as RealPolitik, or LittleGreenFootballs (which got an award for 2004's best blog in journalism. I would really prefer those respected sources over some idiot from another country that can't even speak english.
Then this morning I wake up and have to deal with shit. In two ways. I take my brother to school as I usually do, then I came home to see a note on the table. It said "Make sure the cat litter box gets cleaned out." So since my sister is always telling everyone how the cat is HERS, I told her to clean it up. What does she do? She stands there screaming and bitching and pissing and moaning for an hour at me because I should me the one that has to do it, since I was the first one to read the note. Oh yeah. That's how it's supposed to work.
Tuesday, December 21, 2004
Wednesday, December 15, 2004
[Electric Demons in Love]
So to explain the recent trend, I think from now on, I'll be using the names of songs for my post titles. Yay for stuff like that.
So today Kyle asked Court out I guess. That's really cool. He's a really good kid, and they like each other. Hm. I don't know really anything else to say about that, but I thought I should note it so I didn't forget later on.
What else?
Today was FIRST and stuff. Pat was back from Clarkson for the meeting. He was installing Inventor on the computers in Riel's room, but having a little bit of trouble because of the stupid Novell ZenWorks that RubegaDemon wanted on the school's computers. Why is it there? To "insure that the school's computers are secure." It really just makes them into terminals. We get a list of programs that we can use...Word, Excel, Access...the general MSOffice stuff. Then we get Internet Explorer and then some stupid programming stuff. That't about it. I hate it when people screw with computers like that. Gr. I haven't been able to hack the system, yet. But I think I will be able to sometime. I hope.
Hrm. So this girl has been stalking me at school and stuff. I don't know why, seeing as I'm not all that appealing. She IMs me a lot (I don't know how she managed to get my screen name), she calls me on the phone...she follows me around school. I'm starting to get scared. Like really scared.
In other news, I think we're in good shape for the money thing in FIRST this year. Probably still no Nats at this point for the rest of the team, but I think we've scraped up enough to make it through the regular season...Aaaand I'm going to Nats. Wonder what I'm going to do down there if the rest of the team doesn't go? This question has come up a couple times to me, and I really don't know the answer. I mean, I can't do a whole lot DURING the comp, I mean I won't be driving, and I'm pretty sure they're full on the refs and stuff like that.Nuclear War on the Dance Floor So. What am I to do? I don't know. Maybe I'll figure that out when I get there, or maybe I just won't go and save myself about $500. Sure, it would be really cool to go to Nats, but if I'm going to be bored down there, why spend all that money? Sigh.
So the other night I was trying to update Battlefield 1942. Turns out that EA is horrible at coorisponding with the sites that they host their patches on and I downloaded an old patch. Why did I download an old patch? Because it said on the EA website that it was the newest one. I spent about 3 hours trying to get that stupid game working. Then I finally gave in and downloaded GameSpyware like it wanted me to all along. What happened? Turns out that the new patch was ONLY hosted on GameSpyware servers. You had to be logged in to the network and you had to wait in like for 45 minutes for the download to start, then another 3 hours for the 4MB patch to download because every single person on the GameSpy network is downloading from that one server. I hate GameSpy so much. You don't even know. Arg.
Steph's home today. I got a call from her about 2 hours ago that her computer was dead. Lol that thing needs to be trashed. She got it working again, but I think the thing has been struggling for some time now. She's getting a new one this Christmas break though.
Hrm. What else to post about? I bought the Electric Six CD the other day. Don't know if I posted about that though. It's really good. Kind of a mix of old school funk, disco, rap, and techno. It's so weird. In a good way. Pick it up sometime. I did, and was magically suprised.
Hah; amusing anecdote time. Tonight I was at the drug store getting some muscle relaxants (don't ask). And there was this guy that pulled up to the drive-thru window and started yelling at the girl working at the pharmacy. Now picture this girl--she's about 5'5" and MAYBE 110 lbs after she eats a lot. She's tiny.
So this biker dude pulls up in his big Ford F-350 or whatever and starts screaming at her "You stole my credit card! I didn't get it back!" Now this girl, she says to the guy "I remember putting it in the drawer to give back to you..." And shes looking everywhere. This guy is just sitting there flipping out at her for like 5 minutes.
I offer to go out and look for the card for him, since the girl has a job to do and the guy looks kinda sketchy, you know? So he says "Hold on I'll look myself." Macho dude didn't think to look on the ground before he started to yell at this girl, right?
Turns out that he dropped his credit card onto the runningboard of his truck and just never bothered to look around before he started making some girl feel like shit. Sigh. Not that amusing, was it? Oh well.
Tonight I was filling out my application to UNH. Yeah, it's UNH. Not an incredible school, but it's definately a respectable one. I know people that like it there, and others that don't. Steph goes there and she's trying to get into Holy Cross, somewhere in Mass. I hope she gets in, though if she stayed at UNH I might get to hang out with her some more. That would be pretty cool, but it's more important that she's happy with where she's at, so for her sake, I hope that she goes into HC.
So this app for UNH, it's not too bad. I'm filling everything out, then I get to the essay section. Essentially, it says "make up your own essay about anything you want." Wtf am I supposed to write? Should I write about how the quality of the American way of life has been depreciating over the past 50 years? Should I write about how I like to listen to music that is written by unhappy people (like Trent Reznor) because it makes me feel better? I don't know.
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Ever notice that some days, no matter how good you feel, you still feel like shit? No? Well I do. A lot, actually. I don't know...I guess I lied the other day when I said I was usually pretty happy. Well, not lied. I just couldn't remember when I was really unhappy because I was usually not particularly happy or not. Usually I'm in between. Not ever really happy, but never really sad either. I guess I'm kinda just moving from one event to the next, living as i can.
Maybe that is how the Greeks really lived. I mean the ones that wanted to celebrate the gift of being alive. Sure I have fun when I have fun (if that makes sense). But I really don't DO much.
I hate this time of the year.
It's when all my psycho problems kick in...Depression, Seasonal Affective Disorder, all that wonderful stuff. It's a hard time for everyone in my family, too. I mean my mom can barely make it through some years. Mainly it's because she can remember that first year after my dad died that she had to make it through the whole season. I can remember then, too. Me, a little 10 year old kid, trying to help his mom get through something he couldn't dream of handling himself. It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about that time when I was trying so hard to be the strong one in the family. My brother and sister have the privelage of not remembering before it happened. Yeah, they're missing out on the memories of our dad, but they aren't haunted by him either. Every day I see or hear something that reminds me of him and it hurts me so much to still be the strong one.
Maybe that's what made me the way I am...I had to grow up way too fast. I never used to be the way I am. It's just been the past 7 years that I've been so introverted and self concious. Over the past few years I've had so much shit dumped on me. I get hit by a truck, I lose my dad, my mom enters a series of failed relationships with jerks, I enter my own series of failed relationships; all the while my grades are slipping and I'm losing my chances at getting into a good school and not being a failure...
And it all comes together about this time of the year. This year it hasn't been so bad because I'm working on everything all the time, keeping myself busy. But at night it kind of just comes out. I dissapear into my room and cut off all relationships in the real world. I don't talk to anyone in the house, I don't go out anymore, I lose myself in the world of the internet. I really wish I could pull myself out of this...slump, or whatever you'd call it. I want to be happier, I just don't think it's going to happen.
I wrote a song a while back that kind of characterizes it all. I'm a totally different person at night than during the day. There are people that I can say anything to online, but when I'm actually with them, or even just talking to them on the phone I can't think of anything to day anymore. I guess the anonymity of the internet is a comfort for me. I can be myself without a fear of being ridiculed for being me. Sad but true, it happens a lot to me. Probably the main reason I'm so pissed off at the world so often is because no one will respect me.
The problem is that the real me isn't anything like the me from the daytime. During the day, I can't even force myself to be me. It's as if I have some sort of mask on that I wear all day and take off when I get into my room. Maybe if I could force myself to be more like me I would be happier.
Maybe.
I have a lot of problems that I need to come to terms with. Self doubt probably being the root of the rest. I know I act like I have things together, but I can't even figure out what I'm doing right now. I can't figure out what I'm doing with my life, what I'm doing with anything. I try to be strong, but I just can't do it anymore. I just can't.
I don't know anymore, should I just give in to it all or should I keep fighting? It just seems like everything I do ends up being in vain. I need to escape it all.
So to explain the recent trend, I think from now on, I'll be using the names of songs for my post titles. Yay for stuff like that.
So today Kyle asked Court out I guess. That's really cool. He's a really good kid, and they like each other. Hm. I don't know really anything else to say about that, but I thought I should note it so I didn't forget later on.
What else?
Today was FIRST and stuff. Pat was back from Clarkson for the meeting. He was installing Inventor on the computers in Riel's room, but having a little bit of trouble because of the stupid Novell ZenWorks that RubegaDemon wanted on the school's computers. Why is it there? To "insure that the school's computers are secure." It really just makes them into terminals. We get a list of programs that we can use...Word, Excel, Access...the general MSOffice stuff. Then we get Internet Explorer and then some stupid programming stuff. That't about it. I hate it when people screw with computers like that. Gr. I haven't been able to hack the system, yet. But I think I will be able to sometime. I hope.
Hrm. So this girl has been stalking me at school and stuff. I don't know why, seeing as I'm not all that appealing. She IMs me a lot (I don't know how she managed to get my screen name), she calls me on the phone...she follows me around school. I'm starting to get scared. Like really scared.
In other news, I think we're in good shape for the money thing in FIRST this year. Probably still no Nats at this point for the rest of the team, but I think we've scraped up enough to make it through the regular season...Aaaand I'm going to Nats. Wonder what I'm going to do down there if the rest of the team doesn't go? This question has come up a couple times to me, and I really don't know the answer. I mean, I can't do a whole lot DURING the comp, I mean I won't be driving, and I'm pretty sure they're full on the refs and stuff like that.
So the other night I was trying to update Battlefield 1942. Turns out that EA is horrible at coorisponding with the sites that they host their patches on and I downloaded an old patch. Why did I download an old patch? Because it said on the EA website that it was the newest one. I spent about 3 hours trying to get that stupid game working. Then I finally gave in and downloaded GameSpyware like it wanted me to all along. What happened? Turns out that the new patch was ONLY hosted on GameSpyware servers. You had to be logged in to the network and you had to wait in like for 45 minutes for the download to start, then another 3 hours for the 4MB patch to download because every single person on the GameSpy network is downloading from that one server. I hate GameSpy so much. You don't even know. Arg.
Steph's home today. I got a call from her about 2 hours ago that her computer was dead. Lol that thing needs to be trashed. She got it working again, but I think the thing has been struggling for some time now. She's getting a new one this Christmas break though.
Hrm. What else to post about? I bought the Electric Six CD the other day. Don't know if I posted about that though. It's really good. Kind of a mix of old school funk, disco, rap, and techno. It's so weird. In a good way. Pick it up sometime. I did, and was magically suprised.
Hah; amusing anecdote time. Tonight I was at the drug store getting some muscle relaxants (don't ask). And there was this guy that pulled up to the drive-thru window and started yelling at the girl working at the pharmacy. Now picture this girl--she's about 5'5" and MAYBE 110 lbs after she eats a lot. She's tiny.
So this biker dude pulls up in his big Ford F-350 or whatever and starts screaming at her "You stole my credit card! I didn't get it back!" Now this girl, she says to the guy "I remember putting it in the drawer to give back to you..." And shes looking everywhere. This guy is just sitting there flipping out at her for like 5 minutes.
I offer to go out and look for the card for him, since the girl has a job to do and the guy looks kinda sketchy, you know? So he says "Hold on I'll look myself." Macho dude didn't think to look on the ground before he started to yell at this girl, right?
Turns out that he dropped his credit card onto the runningboard of his truck and just never bothered to look around before he started making some girl feel like shit. Sigh. Not that amusing, was it? Oh well.
Tonight I was filling out my application to UNH. Yeah, it's UNH. Not an incredible school, but it's definately a respectable one. I know people that like it there, and others that don't. Steph goes there and she's trying to get into Holy Cross, somewhere in Mass. I hope she gets in, though if she stayed at UNH I might get to hang out with her some more. That would be pretty cool, but it's more important that she's happy with where she's at, so for her sake, I hope that she goes into HC.
So this app for UNH, it's not too bad. I'm filling everything out, then I get to the essay section. Essentially, it says "make up your own essay about anything you want." Wtf am I supposed to write? Should I write about how the quality of the American way of life has been depreciating over the past 50 years? Should I write about how I like to listen to music that is written by unhappy people (like Trent Reznor) because it makes me feel better? I don't know.
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Ever notice that some days, no matter how good you feel, you still feel like shit? No? Well I do. A lot, actually. I don't know...I guess I lied the other day when I said I was usually pretty happy. Well, not lied. I just couldn't remember when I was really unhappy because I was usually not particularly happy or not. Usually I'm in between. Not ever really happy, but never really sad either. I guess I'm kinda just moving from one event to the next, living as i can.
Maybe that is how the Greeks really lived. I mean the ones that wanted to celebrate the gift of being alive. Sure I have fun when I have fun (if that makes sense). But I really don't DO much.
I hate this time of the year.
It's when all my psycho problems kick in...Depression, Seasonal Affective Disorder, all that wonderful stuff. It's a hard time for everyone in my family, too. I mean my mom can barely make it through some years. Mainly it's because she can remember that first year after my dad died that she had to make it through the whole season. I can remember then, too. Me, a little 10 year old kid, trying to help his mom get through something he couldn't dream of handling himself. It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about that time when I was trying so hard to be the strong one in the family. My brother and sister have the privelage of not remembering before it happened. Yeah, they're missing out on the memories of our dad, but they aren't haunted by him either. Every day I see or hear something that reminds me of him and it hurts me so much to still be the strong one.
Maybe that's what made me the way I am...I had to grow up way too fast. I never used to be the way I am. It's just been the past 7 years that I've been so introverted and self concious. Over the past few years I've had so much shit dumped on me. I get hit by a truck, I lose my dad, my mom enters a series of failed relationships with jerks, I enter my own series of failed relationships; all the while my grades are slipping and I'm losing my chances at getting into a good school and not being a failure...
And it all comes together about this time of the year. This year it hasn't been so bad because I'm working on everything all the time, keeping myself busy. But at night it kind of just comes out. I dissapear into my room and cut off all relationships in the real world. I don't talk to anyone in the house, I don't go out anymore, I lose myself in the world of the internet. I really wish I could pull myself out of this...slump, or whatever you'd call it. I want to be happier, I just don't think it's going to happen.
I wrote a song a while back that kind of characterizes it all. I'm a totally different person at night than during the day. There are people that I can say anything to online, but when I'm actually with them, or even just talking to them on the phone I can't think of anything to day anymore. I guess the anonymity of the internet is a comfort for me. I can be myself without a fear of being ridiculed for being me. Sad but true, it happens a lot to me. Probably the main reason I'm so pissed off at the world so often is because no one will respect me.
The problem is that the real me isn't anything like the me from the daytime. During the day, I can't even force myself to be me. It's as if I have some sort of mask on that I wear all day and take off when I get into my room. Maybe if I could force myself to be more like me I would be happier.
Maybe.
I have a lot of problems that I need to come to terms with. Self doubt probably being the root of the rest. I know I act like I have things together, but I can't even figure out what I'm doing right now. I can't figure out what I'm doing with my life, what I'm doing with anything. I try to be strong, but I just can't do it anymore. I just can't.
I don't know anymore, should I just give in to it all or should I keep fighting? It just seems like everything I do ends up being in vain. I need to escape it all.
Tuesday, December 14, 2004
[Far Away Boys]
So tonight I decided to randomly IM someone. Turned out pretty good...She's really cool. A little shy, but cool nonetheless.
I have FIRST tomorrow...should be good. Kickoff is in about 3 weeks. I can't wait for the game to be announced...
Christmas is in about 10 days, that should be cool. Vacation after that, but I have to work 8-4 monday to friday...
Steph was kinda mad tonight...I hope it's just finals stress. Sigh. I just wish she was happy again, like she was in the spring...
So tonight I decided to randomly IM someone. Turned out pretty good...She's really cool. A little shy, but cool nonetheless.
I have FIRST tomorrow...should be good. Kickoff is in about 3 weeks. I can't wait for the game to be announced...
Christmas is in about 10 days, that should be cool. Vacation after that, but I have to work 8-4 monday to friday...
Steph was kinda mad tonight...I hope it's just finals stress. Sigh. I just wish she was happy again, like she was in the spring...
Sunday, December 12, 2004
[Drunken Lullabies]
I came to a realization recently. Well, it was really a while ago, but the idea only solidified for me just within the last few minutes. I hadn't noticed it, but for a while I've been pretty content. Angry at times, yes. Sometimes a little sad, but for the most part I've been able to keep my head up and take things as they come.
I don't remember the last time I was really like this. I don't know why it is, but I just seem to have some sort of blissful indifference for most of the world. The past week or so, I haven't really cared what happens--I figure I'll take care of it all as it comes. I've adopted the Greek way of life: "Eat, drink, and be merry today. There is a great chance you won't be here tomorrow."
What if I'm not here tomorrow? What then? I don't want to stare my death in the eye and have regrets about my life. I just don't have time to be unhappy, so I'm not. Eh.
The other day someone told me that most of the time girls tend to gravitate to the gay guys. That might be true, but as I have posted before, I have plenty of girl friends. I think they're just more interesting than my male friends. It's probably a little odd that I like to listen to them too. I like to hear what my friends have to say, I like to hear them talk about whatever they have to say--from what they did today to whatever they're thinking of...good or bad.
I guess that's why I really don't care about having a girlfriend. I mean, what would I do with a girlfriend that I don't do with my girl friends now? I talk to them until odd hours of the morning, I go out to the movies, dinner, the mall, all that stuff. So I don't see any real point in putting myself in danger of being hurt again like I was in March.
If there are any male readers out there, you might be thinking "well what about the sex?" What about it? There's more to life and relationships than sex. It really doesnt matter to me either way. I'm not prepared to deal with the consequences of something I really don't need to partake in. That's just my opinion, as is just about everything in my journal here. Eh.
In shallower news, I downloaded a bunch of Flogging Molly stuff last night. Good band. I really like their Irishness. I love being Irish.
So Greg Perkins told me that if I can pay for my ticket and get a room, I can go to Nationals with him and his friends. Sounds pretty good, eh? Right now, I'm looking to invade one of my friend's rooms, so that if I do win BAE I can still stay in the same hotel as the rest of my team. Explain the logic? Sure. If I book a room for Nats in Atlanta, it'll be in about a month. Nats are in April. So...if I book a room in a hotel, and it ends up being something other than the one my team stays at, I won't be staying with them. That would make for some tough commutes and coordination. Get it? Got it? Good.
We put up Christmas stuff today. The tree, lights, foily stuff on the front doors, all that stuff. So while I was doing that and making the floors shiny, the mom went out and got us all TVs. Sounds good, eh? Christmas presents, though. Sigh. Oh well.
I'm about written out...lol I guess I don't have much more to write tonight...
Gr. I wanted to write some more, but I don't know what to write.
I came to a realization recently. Well, it was really a while ago, but the idea only solidified for me just within the last few minutes. I hadn't noticed it, but for a while I've been pretty content. Angry at times, yes. Sometimes a little sad, but for the most part I've been able to keep my head up and take things as they come.
I don't remember the last time I was really like this. I don't know why it is, but I just seem to have some sort of blissful indifference for most of the world. The past week or so, I haven't really cared what happens--I figure I'll take care of it all as it comes. I've adopted the Greek way of life: "Eat, drink, and be merry today. There is a great chance you won't be here tomorrow."
What if I'm not here tomorrow? What then? I don't want to stare my death in the eye and have regrets about my life. I just don't have time to be unhappy, so I'm not. Eh.
The other day someone told me that most of the time girls tend to gravitate to the gay guys. That might be true, but as I have posted before, I have plenty of girl friends. I think they're just more interesting than my male friends. It's probably a little odd that I like to listen to them too. I like to hear what my friends have to say, I like to hear them talk about whatever they have to say--from what they did today to whatever they're thinking of...good or bad.
I guess that's why I really don't care about having a girlfriend. I mean, what would I do with a girlfriend that I don't do with my girl friends now? I talk to them until odd hours of the morning, I go out to the movies, dinner, the mall, all that stuff. So I don't see any real point in putting myself in danger of being hurt again like I was in March.
If there are any male readers out there, you might be thinking "well what about the sex?" What about it? There's more to life and relationships than sex. It really doesnt matter to me either way. I'm not prepared to deal with the consequences of something I really don't need to partake in. That's just my opinion, as is just about everything in my journal here. Eh.
In shallower news, I downloaded a bunch of Flogging Molly stuff last night. Good band. I really like their Irishness. I love being Irish.
So Greg Perkins told me that if I can pay for my ticket and get a room, I can go to Nationals with him and his friends. Sounds pretty good, eh? Right now, I'm looking to invade one of my friend's rooms, so that if I do win BAE I can still stay in the same hotel as the rest of my team. Explain the logic? Sure. If I book a room for Nats in Atlanta, it'll be in about a month. Nats are in April. So...if I book a room in a hotel, and it ends up being something other than the one my team stays at, I won't be staying with them. That would make for some tough commutes and coordination. Get it? Got it? Good.
We put up Christmas stuff today. The tree, lights, foily stuff on the front doors, all that stuff. So while I was doing that and making the floors shiny, the mom went out and got us all TVs. Sounds good, eh? Christmas presents, though. Sigh. Oh well.
I'm about written out...lol I guess I don't have much more to write tonight...
Gr. I wanted to write some more, but I don't know what to write.
[IT'S NEWINGTON!]
So today I went up to Durham to hang out with Steph. When I got there, she and her roomie, Yoomi (that rhymes bwahah. not that funny, but it really is to me) were trying to put Yoomi's bed on some sort of raising frame. So I helped them, and after a lot of hitting it with hammers, and messing, we finally got the bed up on top of the frame. It was taller than Steph and Yoomi, but it was all good.
So after that, Steph and I took a walk around campus and saw all the sights and such that UNH has to offer--the library, some classrooms, the MUB, all that awesome stuff...
So later we went to Newington to catch a movie. First, though we went to the mall to kill some time. Stopped in Electronics Boutique and Game Stop, and I picked up a couple Christmas presents. After that, we headed to the movie theater where we saw "The Incredibles," which I thought was pretty good, much better than I expected, it being a Disney film and all.
After the movie I was really hungry since I hadn't eaten anything all day, so we went to T.G.I. Friday's. There's all kinds of stuff hanging on the walls and stuff. I got a cheeseburger and Steph got an enormous salad, which she almost finished. I was astonished...I mean someone fat would have trouble eating that much salad, but Steph almost got it all down, and she's tiny!
We got this brownie thing after for dessert, and it was so good, but it was really rich. After my burger, I could barely finish it, and I feel sick just thinking about the food again I ate so much lol.
So I go to pay the bill, and Steph starts to take out her money. I was going to pay the whole thing, because I was buying supper tonight. Steph doesn't like it when people pay for her, so I think she was a little mad at me, but its all good now.
So then I dropped her back off at her dorm and came home, and here I am. Whee. Tonight I worked a little on my newest Photoshop project, Michi from Connecticut. I don't remember which team she's from...236 or 237. It's the Techno Ticks, whatever number they are. Aaand, that's about all that happened today. N'night all.
So today I went up to Durham to hang out with Steph. When I got there, she and her roomie, Yoomi (that rhymes bwahah. not that funny, but it really is to me) were trying to put Yoomi's bed on some sort of raising frame. So I helped them, and after a lot of hitting it with hammers, and messing, we finally got the bed up on top of the frame. It was taller than Steph and Yoomi, but it was all good.
So after that, Steph and I took a walk around campus and saw all the sights and such that UNH has to offer--the library, some classrooms, the MUB, all that awesome stuff...
So later we went to Newington to catch a movie. First, though we went to the mall to kill some time. Stopped in Electronics Boutique and Game Stop, and I picked up a couple Christmas presents. After that, we headed to the movie theater where we saw "The Incredibles," which I thought was pretty good, much better than I expected, it being a Disney film and all.
After the movie I was really hungry since I hadn't eaten anything all day, so we went to T.G.I. Friday's. There's all kinds of stuff hanging on the walls and stuff. I got a cheeseburger and Steph got an enormous salad, which she almost finished. I was astonished...I mean someone fat would have trouble eating that much salad, but Steph almost got it all down, and she's tiny!
We got this brownie thing after for dessert, and it was so good, but it was really rich. After my burger, I could barely finish it, and I feel sick just thinking about the food again I ate so much lol.
So I go to pay the bill, and Steph starts to take out her money. I was going to pay the whole thing, because I was buying supper tonight. Steph doesn't like it when people pay for her, so I think she was a little mad at me, but its all good now.
So then I dropped her back off at her dorm and came home, and here I am. Whee. Tonight I worked a little on my newest Photoshop project, Michi from Connecticut. I don't remember which team she's from...236 or 237. It's the Techno Ticks, whatever number they are. Aaand, that's about all that happened today. N'night all.
Wednesday, December 08, 2004
[I think I did it]
I really think I managed to help someone. Last night I was talking to my friend, and she's been feeling pretty bad lately. But last night I found a nice little story and I sent her a link to it. You wouldn't believe the change in her additude since then. I mean, just from last night to now, she seems so much happier, more like herself.
We're going to hang out on saturday, probably go to Portsmouth and see a movie, though Napoleon Dynamite isn't in the theater anymore, so I have no idea what I want to see. Guess we'll see whatever she picks out lol.
I realized over the past few days that my closest friends have pretty much all been girls for the past few years. Wonder why. I mean, I have my best friend Joe and a couple other guy friends--Ben, Tom, Tony--but when I go online, I talk to my girl friends. If I talk to anyone on the phone, it's one of my girl friends. I'm surrounded by them! lol. It's kinda like that anime that was on Cartoon Network a few years back called Tenchi Muyo, except without the whole love/obsession thing.
There's Darcie, the pimp girl that I talked to endlessly about this time last year.
Genia, who has a big heart, and kind of an obsession with guys in general (Tom and I, among others).
Lisa is always there to make anyone smile with her wit and unique charm.
Court is just fun to talk to...she always seems to make me laugh, no matter how I feel.
And Steph, who has been there for me as long as I have known her. She's probably one of the coolest people I know, and just talking to her makes me feel good. She has a sort of energy about her that does that to people...
On another note, my friend Kyle was having a pretty bad night, though I don't quite know what was up. He wouldn't tell me, but Court sent him an email to see what was up, but obviously she hasn't gotten a return on that since he isn't on his computer.
I really think I managed to help someone. Last night I was talking to my friend, and she's been feeling pretty bad lately. But last night I found a nice little story and I sent her a link to it. You wouldn't believe the change in her additude since then. I mean, just from last night to now, she seems so much happier, more like herself.
We're going to hang out on saturday, probably go to Portsmouth and see a movie, though Napoleon Dynamite isn't in the theater anymore, so I have no idea what I want to see. Guess we'll see whatever she picks out lol.
I realized over the past few days that my closest friends have pretty much all been girls for the past few years. Wonder why. I mean, I have my best friend Joe and a couple other guy friends--Ben, Tom, Tony--but when I go online, I talk to my girl friends. If I talk to anyone on the phone, it's one of my girl friends. I'm surrounded by them! lol. It's kinda like that anime that was on Cartoon Network a few years back called Tenchi Muyo, except without the whole love/obsession thing.
There's Darcie, the pimp girl that I talked to endlessly about this time last year.
Genia, who has a big heart, and kind of an obsession with guys in general (Tom and I, among others).
Lisa is always there to make anyone smile with her wit and unique charm.
Court is just fun to talk to...she always seems to make me laugh, no matter how I feel.
And Steph, who has been there for me as long as I have known her. She's probably one of the coolest people I know, and just talking to her makes me feel good. She has a sort of energy about her that does that to people...
On another note, my friend Kyle was having a pretty bad night, though I don't quite know what was up. He wouldn't tell me, but Court sent him an email to see what was up, but obviously she hasn't gotten a return on that since he isn't on his computer.
Thursday, December 02, 2004
[I need to write something...]
...or I think I'm going to explode. I've said it many times before, but I have to say it again.
I've seen the best and the worst of people that our world has to offer. I used to think that all people have some good in them, and I was perfectly happy in thinking that. But, in learning about people, and what they do to each other, I really can't go on thinking that anymore. I know too many good people who have been hurt, I know too many good people whose hopes have been shattered.
Maybe I'm taking on too much when I try to help, but sometimes I just feel so useless. There are a few people in my life that never seem to be able to be happy. I'm not saying that it's their fault or anything, on the contrary, I'm saying that one thing after another after another wears them down until they don't have any hope left for the world.
They stumble through their lives as shells of what they were before, not wanting to be like this, but not being able to revert back to themselves. I wish so much that I could help them, but I just can't seem to find a good way to do it.
This is one of the main reasons that I believe there is no "God" or any ruling power whatsoever controlling us. If there was such a benevolent power controlling our lives, why would it ever put good people through hell? What kind of sadistic asshole would ever cause so much pain to so many people? Why would anyone want to worship it, why would anyone want to reward something like this with their time, sacrifice, and lives?
Don't give me that bullshit about "Him rewarding you in the life after this one," because this is all that there is. Here and now, this is life, this is death, this is existence. You're born, you die, you rot. The end. No more happens after that.
I don't see a point in giving up yourself to something that will, in the end be pointless. Spend your time doing something that will benefit mankind as a whole, not just you. "Worshipping God makes all people look better to Him." No. If there were a God, your praying would only get you alone brownie points. So do the world a favor, get out there and help someone.
That's what I try to do, whenever I can, for whomever I can. I don't see a point on being here if I were to be so vain as to think that all problems in the world were the cause of "God's Will," or a "Grander Scheme." That's shifting blame to something else to make humankind look better. And what does it accomplish? Nothing at all, it just makes you lazy. In the end, you won't take responsibility for humanly faults, and you won't further humanity as a whole.
That's about all I have rant about tonight. Meandering, no?
...or I think I'm going to explode. I've said it many times before, but I have to say it again.
I've seen the best and the worst of people that our world has to offer. I used to think that all people have some good in them, and I was perfectly happy in thinking that. But, in learning about people, and what they do to each other, I really can't go on thinking that anymore. I know too many good people who have been hurt, I know too many good people whose hopes have been shattered.
Maybe I'm taking on too much when I try to help, but sometimes I just feel so useless. There are a few people in my life that never seem to be able to be happy. I'm not saying that it's their fault or anything, on the contrary, I'm saying that one thing after another after another wears them down until they don't have any hope left for the world.
They stumble through their lives as shells of what they were before, not wanting to be like this, but not being able to revert back to themselves. I wish so much that I could help them, but I just can't seem to find a good way to do it.
This is one of the main reasons that I believe there is no "God" or any ruling power whatsoever controlling us. If there was such a benevolent power controlling our lives, why would it ever put good people through
Don't give me that bullshit about "Him rewarding you in the life after this one," because this is all that there is. Here and now, this is life, this is death, this is existence. You're born, you die, you rot. The end. No more happens after that.
I don't see a point in giving up yourself to something that will, in the end be pointless. Spend your time doing something that will benefit mankind as a whole, not just you. "Worshipping God makes all people look better to Him." No. If there were a God, your praying would only get you alone brownie points. So do the world a favor, get out there and help someone.
That's what I try to do, whenever I can, for whomever I can. I don't see a point on being here if I were to be so vain as to think that all problems in the world were the cause of "God's Will," or a "Grander Scheme." That's shifting blame to something else to make humankind look better. And what does it accomplish? Nothing at all, it just makes you lazy. In the end, you won't take responsibility for humanly faults, and you won't further humanity as a whole.
That's about all I have rant about tonight. Meandering, no?
Tuesday, November 30, 2004
The Dante's Inferno Test has sent you to the First Level of Hell - Limbo!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
Take the Dante's Divine Comedy Inferno Test
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
| Level | Score |
|---|---|
| Purgatory (Repenting Believers) | Very Low |
| Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers) | Very High |
| Level 2 (Lustful) | Low |
| Level 3 (Gluttonous) | Moderate |
| Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious) | Very Low |
| Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy) | Moderate |
| Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics) | Very High |
| Level 7 (Violent) | High |
| Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers) | Moderate |
| Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous) | Low |
Take the Dante's Divine Comedy Inferno Test
[Grr.]
So I realized today that, often when I post on here, I'm a pretty angry person, and that writing usually makes me a little less pissed off. I guess it's better to swear a lot and make me look like a psycho on a web journal than to go out and kill people, right?
On a side note, I'd like to thank a few people that have gotten me through the days without going insane. They're out there and I don't know what I'd do without them. Lisa, Court, Genia, Steph, you make my days worth it all.
Whether it's just saying hi, or staying up until 4 in the morning talking--I love you guys, you make my life complete.
So I realized today that, often when I post on here, I'm a pretty angry person, and that writing usually makes me a little less pissed off. I guess it's better to swear a lot and make me look like a psycho on a web journal than to go out and kill people, right?
On a side note, I'd like to thank a few people that have gotten me through the days without going insane. They're out there and I don't know what I'd do without them. Lisa, Court, Genia, Steph, you make my days worth it all.
Whether it's just saying hi, or staying up until 4 in the morning talking--I love you guys, you make my life complete.
Sunday, November 28, 2004
[Hicks]
So I went to Ohio for Thanksgiving. The drive there was about 14 hours and I slept about 2. I drove for 6 and then when I got there I was exhausted, but I didn't sleep. Instead, the family made me stay up ultil after we ate and everyone else came to the house and all that happened. By 8 I was barely able to stand up to go to my bed.
Well as it turns out, nothing has changed in the three years since I was last down there. The cousins got a Playstation2, the older cousin got *another* girlfriend, and the younger of the two grew his hair out and is becoming more and more like a redneck.
So I was at my grandmother's house just chilling after a tryptophan overload, and my aunt was on the computer looking at some Ebay stuff she wanted to buy. Well, just as she was going to check out, my uncle walks up and says to her "Get off the computer, I want to show Karen some pictures." (Karen is my mom). So what does my aunt do? She gets right off of the computer. Wtf? Isn't that abuse of some sort? So later on, when Kevin, my uncle was talking with my grandparents, Trisha wasn't even allowed to sit with them to talk with them. Sigh. Maybe I don't have the mental capacity for such grown-up things, but I don't think that's right.
So I took second shift on the drive home last night. But since it was torrentially downpouring I didn't get any sleep as my mom was driving. So I'm going on about 8 hours of sleep in the past 48 hours and I feel great. I think I'm going to drink a Bawls to keep me up til the end of this post. Whatev.
So I went to Ohio for Thanksgiving. The drive there was about 14 hours and I slept about 2. I drove for 6 and then when I got there I was exhausted, but I didn't sleep. Instead, the family made me stay up ultil after we ate and everyone else came to the house and all that happened. By 8 I was barely able to stand up to go to my bed.
Well as it turns out, nothing has changed in the three years since I was last down there. The cousins got a Playstation2, the older cousin got *another* girlfriend, and the younger of the two grew his hair out and is becoming more and more like a redneck.
So I was at my grandmother's house just chilling after a tryptophan overload, and my aunt was on the computer looking at some Ebay stuff she wanted to buy. Well, just as she was going to check out, my uncle walks up and says to her "Get off the computer, I want to show Karen some pictures." (Karen is my mom). So what does my aunt do? She gets right off of the computer. Wtf? Isn't that abuse of some sort? So later on, when Kevin, my uncle was talking with my grandparents, Trisha wasn't even allowed to sit with them to talk with them. Sigh. Maybe I don't have the mental capacity for such grown-up things, but I don't think that's right.
So I took second shift on the drive home last night. But since it was torrentially downpouring I didn't get any sleep as my mom was driving. So I'm going on about 8 hours of sleep in the past 48 hours and I feel great. I think I'm going to drink a Bawls to keep me up til the end of this post. Whatev.
Tuesday, November 16, 2004
[Endless]
That's what it is. The cycle of stupidity and intolerance that I endure daily.
For example, today at school, someone I know started flipping out at me because I proved him wrong. It was pretty bad, too.
Picture a kid that is so blindly dedicated to his sect of Christianity that he would let himself be seen as an idiot just to defend it. Imagine a Bible Thumper. Now make that kid 10 times more zealous about it. That's this kid. He pisses me off so much. Every fucking day this kid preaches at me trying to make me "see the light." Fuck off cockbite. I'm so fucking sick of people telling me that I'm wrong. Especially the ones that don't have enough intelligence to realize I don't give a flying fuck about what they're saying.
Anyway, the worst part of it all was when I proved him wrong, it was about a stupid statement HE made about religion. He was telling my friend that Catholics were the ones that burned people at the stake for being witches. UH DING DONG MORON. First off, in England when they burned the people, they were LUTHERAN, not CATHOLIC. Second, when they burned people in Salem, they were P-U-R-I-T-A-N. Still not Catholic. Now, I don't like religion at all. Can't stand it, but what I hate more than that are people that willingly or knowingly spread false statements as the truth.
Even after I told the kid he was wrong, he wouldn't shut up. He says to me "Oh, now you're the expert on religion, Mr. Atheist? Let me tell you something, you'll never see a Babtist burning someone at the stake; we're just better than that."
Who the fuck gave this kid the power to tell people that one group of idiots is better than the next? That's the worst thing on this accursed planet--people who think that they're better than others because of race, religion, body type, or whatever. I thought we established that during the Second World War, or the Civil and Gay Rights Movements, but apparently not.
I'll leave that account at that, so I can move on.
At work, I saw in the paper that there's a Supreme Court hearing happening because there are apparently pedophiles out there that have been confessing to priests. So, wouldn't you think that the most sensible thing is to report it? Well, no. Apparently there is an actual law that says if someone confesses, the priest has to keep that confession confidential. What the fuck? Isn't that setting a broad double standard? I mean, if someone kills someone, or they molest a kid, they can tell the priest and it's ok?
I work at an afterschool program, and if a kid says that someone touched them, we are required, BY LAW to report it immediately. Why? We, the staff, are seen as the link between the kid and the adult world, and it's our lawful duty to report stuff like that when it happens and is told to us.
But what about the link between the purpetrators of these crimes and the rest of the world? Are they exempt because of some doctorate written by a bunch of old men almost 1500 years ago?
This shouldn't even be up for debate. Use some common sense, people.
I've said it before, and I'll say it again. I don't like religion. It breeds stupid people. There's a bill up for vote in Washington that is trying to ban all stem cell research in the country. Why? Because it's immoral and unethical. Yes. I can see that it's immoral and unethical to try to find ways for blind people to see, and it's obviously immoral and unethical to help paralyzed people walk again, and there isn't a single shread of evidence supporting that helping people with brain damage recover is ethical in any way.
What I see in religion is a singular movement to breed a hatred for those who would resist assimilation. That means, anyone who doesn't share every single belief that that particular religion or sect holds. For example, the Christian belief that gay people are evil, or the Muslim belief that the Christian religion is wrong, etc.
Religion also tries to hold back the release of knowledge because the religious officials don't agree with it. Prime example, Stem Cell Researching. Christians don't think it should happen because the stem cells used in the research come from miscarriaged and aborted fetuses. "Life starts at conception, and goes on after death...blah blah blah...the body is a holy sanctum and must be preserved..." In other words, they don't have a fucking clue what the scientists are doing, and they have their thumbs shoved so far up their own asses that they won't admit when they're wrong.
Bottom line:
Religion = Willful Ignorance.
Once again,
Fuck off.
Good night.
That's what it is. The cycle of stupidity and intolerance that I endure daily.
For example, today at school, someone I know started flipping out at me because I proved him wrong. It was pretty bad, too.
Picture a kid that is so blindly dedicated to his sect of Christianity that he would let himself be seen as an idiot just to defend it. Imagine a Bible Thumper. Now make that kid 10 times more zealous about it. That's this kid. He pisses me off so much. Every fucking day this kid preaches at me trying to make me "see the light." Fuck off cockbite. I'm so fucking sick of people telling me that I'm wrong. Especially the ones that don't have enough intelligence to realize I don't give a flying fuck about what they're saying.
Anyway, the worst part of it all was when I proved him wrong, it was about a stupid statement HE made about religion. He was telling my friend that Catholics were the ones that burned people at the stake for being witches. UH DING DONG MORON. First off, in England when they burned the people, they were LUTHERAN, not CATHOLIC. Second, when they burned people in Salem, they were P-U-R-I-T-A-N. Still not Catholic. Now, I don't like religion at all. Can't stand it, but what I hate more than that are people that willingly or knowingly spread false statements as the truth.
Even after I told the kid he was wrong, he wouldn't shut up. He says to me "Oh, now you're the expert on religion, Mr. Atheist? Let me tell you something, you'll never see a Babtist burning someone at the stake; we're just better than that."
Who the fuck gave this kid the power to tell people that one group of idiots is better than the next? That's the worst thing on this accursed planet--people who think that they're better than others because of race, religion, body type, or whatever. I thought we established that during the Second World War, or the Civil and Gay Rights Movements, but apparently not.
I'll leave that account at that, so I can move on.
At work, I saw in the paper that there's a Supreme Court hearing happening because there are apparently pedophiles out there that have been confessing to priests. So, wouldn't you think that the most sensible thing is to report it? Well, no. Apparently there is an actual law that says if someone confesses, the priest has to keep that confession confidential. What the fuck? Isn't that setting a broad double standard? I mean, if someone kills someone, or they molest a kid, they can tell the priest and it's ok?
I work at an afterschool program, and if a kid says that someone touched them, we are required, BY LAW to report it immediately. Why? We, the staff, are seen as the link between the kid and the adult world, and it's our lawful duty to report stuff like that when it happens and is told to us.
But what about the link between the purpetrators of these crimes and the rest of the world? Are they exempt because of some doctorate written by a bunch of old men almost 1500 years ago?
This shouldn't even be up for debate. Use some common sense, people.
I've said it before, and I'll say it again. I don't like religion. It breeds stupid people. There's a bill up for vote in Washington that is trying to ban all stem cell research in the country. Why? Because it's immoral and unethical. Yes. I can see that it's immoral and unethical to try to find ways for blind people to see, and it's obviously immoral and unethical to help paralyzed people walk again, and there isn't a single shread of evidence supporting that helping people with brain damage recover is ethical in any way.
What I see in religion is a singular movement to breed a hatred for those who would resist assimilation. That means, anyone who doesn't share every single belief that that particular religion or sect holds. For example, the Christian belief that gay people are evil, or the Muslim belief that the Christian religion is wrong, etc.
Religion also tries to hold back the release of knowledge because the religious officials don't agree with it. Prime example, Stem Cell Researching. Christians don't think it should happen because the stem cells used in the research come from miscarriaged and aborted fetuses. "Life starts at conception, and goes on after death...blah blah blah...the body is a holy sanctum and must be preserved..." In other words, they don't have a fucking clue what the scientists are doing, and they have their thumbs shoved so far up their own asses that they won't admit when they're wrong.
Bottom line:
Religion = Willful Ignorance.
Once again,
Fuck off.
Good night.
Thursday, October 28, 2004
Wednesday, October 27, 2004
Sunday, October 24, 2004
Monday, October 18, 2004
[Scream] (Note: Don't read this and be pissed off at me. This is a product of my recent experiences.)
That's what I want to do right now. I just want to scream, as loud and as long as I can. Until I collapse. I am so sick of people telling me what to do and think, when to do and think it, and why I'm wrong about everything I say.
Lately I've been told numerous times that I'm wrong about numerous things. Honestly, I usually don't give a fuck what people think about me, but as of late it's starting to get to me. Let's start with the small stuff. First off, I live in New Hampshire, and I am a fan of the New York Yankees. Why? Because I can be. America is supposed to be a free country, isn't it?
So today someone threatened to hurt me, just because I like the Yankees. They got me against a wall and threatened me, because I like the Yankees. Now this wasn't just someone, either. It was some someones. More than one person. They actually held me against a wall while someone almost hurt me because I like a fucking baseball team that their team can't seem to beat. Every year this happens. The Red Sox and the Yankees face off in the ALCS and the Yankees beat them. Boston fans call it the "Curse of the Bambino" because it's happened every year since New York bought Babe Ruth from Boston, like 70 years ago. There's no such thing as a curse. New York is just better.
So tonight I told my friend about this little happening. This is one of the few people in the world I have ever really trusted. What did she do when I told her about it? She laughed at me. She said: "They should have [done it]." I don't know what to think about her anymore. I just don't. She actually thought it was funny I was going to get hurt over a fucking baseball team.
Around here, just about everyone hates the Yankees. In other places, other people hate other people. What does it all boil down to, though? Worship. On 9/11/01 Islamic extremists flew planes into the World Trade Center in New York, as well as the Pentagon outside if Washington, D.C.. Why? A lot of their hate was from a jealousy of Americans. But I think most of it is from their hatred toward Christianity, the most commonly practiced religion in America. And that's just what religion does to people. The Crusades. What were they for? It was the fucking Pope, sitting high and mighty on his throne in Rome, telling men across Europe to sacrifice themselves to rid the world of the heathen Muslims in the Middle East. The Armenian Genocide in the early 20th century. What was that? It was people killing other people for thinking that their god was something. The Halocaust. The "Ultimate Solution," ridding Europe of the scum that was the impure, the dirty, anything that wasn't Aerian. What wasn't Aerian? Anyone not of a select few from a high class Christian gene pool. There are many many more recent examples, but for now I'll leave off here.
Religion only serves to tear people apart. Most of the longest running wars have been based on religion. The Crusades. WWII. Ireland/North Ireland. Hutsis/Tutsis. And what has religion given us in return for being so fucking deplorable? A reason to go on making mankind pissed off.
Intolerability is one of my biggest peeves. I see it all the time. People don't like me because I'm opinionated. They don't like me because I like the Yankees. They don't like me because I don't like them because they don't like me because they're just plain ignorant to me. All across the world, people hate each other because no one will stop and fucking pay attention to each other. Why the fuck won't people just shut the fuck up and let other people talk for once?
A big thing in America lately is abortion. Christianazis tell everyone that if you don't oppose abortion with every fiber of your body, wou will go to Hell. Fuck that. There is no fucking hell other than your own stupidity, fucktards. I don't give a fuck about abortion, whether it's legal or not. But when there's a teenage mother-to-be that will die if she doesn't get an abortion (there are many pregnancies that result in this), why should she die because an old man in the Vatican said god told him abortion is bad? God does not exist, to anyone out there still ignorant enough to believe in it. Let me explain something to you all. God never created us. We evolved, through selective reproduction, from tiny mammals to the fucked up creatures we are now.
So go to your Hell. I don't give a flying fuck about your god or what he thinks about me. If he's so almighty, why hasn't he smacked my ass all the way to hell by now? He's had plenty of chances.
So, when I tell people that I don't like religion, they consider me a bad person. Why? Fuck if I know. With all the good religion has done for us, I'm suprised it's had any following at all. All I've learned from it is intolerability.
What about gay people? Everyone in America has a view on gay people. Whether you think they're people, or you think they cause the destruction of civilization, you definately have a stance. I say "Who the fuck cares?" If some guy wants to get married to another guy, so be it. I don't give a fuck what people do in their bedrooms at night, and it shouldn't matter anyways. The new politally correct standpoint against gay people is the "sanctity of the word 'marriage'" group. Marriage isnt sanctimonious anymore. If two gay people want to get married, let them. The only people that will ever fight it are the idiots who won't get their thumbs out of their asses and let some progress happen in this country.
Like the lovely people out there that hate our current president. Michael Moore, if you ever read this, I just want to say "Go fuck yourself." I'm sick of people bitching about the president. They actually think it's his fault the world hates America. News flash, idiots. The president has almost no power, contrary to common belief. Every thing he does is voted on and voted on again. Congress. Senate. Board of Secretaries. Any of these ring a bell? For every decision made by the president, there are 10 or 100 or 300 that can go against his view. The president doesn't even get the final say in anything. If he approves or vetoes a bill or call of action, the Senate and House can just vote it in or veto it themselves. Fuck. I would vote for George Bush if I were to vote. Why? Just to see all those whiney pricks out ther like Michael Moore bitch their fat asses off. If you don't like the way the country is being run, then get the fuck out.
Moreover, I know a lot of people that won't ever pause to hear the opposate side to an argument. I debate a lot with a lot of people. My latest debate was with a girl I know about the value of relationships. I told her that in almost every relationship that I had seen or been in, the girl had used the guy for all they could, then got rid of themas soon as possible. She called me an idiot, which I knew was coming. I gave her examples of every time I had seen a girl take advantage of a guy for whatever reason they did, and then I told her about the very few times that I had seen the opposate. She didn't even listen to a word I said. Instead, she told me that "Girls never take advantage of guys" and later went on to tell me that I was "definately venting some pent-up frustration." I asked her how she knew this before me. I figured that I would be the first to know about me "venting," wouldn't I?
Seems to me that most of my problems stem from people disagreeing with me. Makes sense. Go ahead and disagree with me. It's your right as a person. But, when you start telling me that I am a fuckup because I'm not just like you I will start to get pissed off, as I was tonight. So I have a nice little message to all of you out there who want to tell me I'm a bad person, based on my views:
GO FUCK OFF.
Good night.
That's what I want to do right now. I just want to scream, as loud and as long as I can. Until I collapse. I am so sick of people telling me what to do and think, when to do and think it, and why I'm wrong about everything I say.
Lately I've been told numerous times that I'm wrong about numerous things. Honestly, I usually don't give a fuck what people think about me, but as of late it's starting to get to me. Let's start with the small stuff. First off, I live in New Hampshire, and I am a fan of the New York Yankees. Why? Because I can be. America is supposed to be a free country, isn't it?
So today someone threatened to hurt me, just because I like the Yankees. They got me against a wall and threatened me, because I like the Yankees. Now this wasn't just someone, either. It was some someones. More than one person. They actually held me against a wall while someone almost hurt me because I like a fucking baseball team that their team can't seem to beat. Every year this happens. The Red Sox and the Yankees face off in the ALCS and the Yankees beat them. Boston fans call it the "Curse of the Bambino" because it's happened every year since New York bought Babe Ruth from Boston, like 70 years ago. There's no such thing as a curse. New York is just better.
So tonight I told my friend about this little happening. This is one of the few people in the world I have ever really trusted. What did she do when I told her about it? She laughed at me. She said: "They should have [done it]." I don't know what to think about her anymore. I just don't. She actually thought it was funny I was going to get hurt over a fucking baseball team.
Around here, just about everyone hates the Yankees. In other places, other people hate other people. What does it all boil down to, though? Worship. On 9/11/01 Islamic extremists flew planes into the World Trade Center in New York, as well as the Pentagon outside if Washington, D.C.. Why? A lot of their hate was from a jealousy of Americans. But I think most of it is from their hatred toward Christianity, the most commonly practiced religion in America. And that's just what religion does to people. The Crusades. What were they for? It was the fucking Pope, sitting high and mighty on his throne in Rome, telling men across Europe to sacrifice themselves to rid the world of the heathen Muslims in the Middle East. The Armenian Genocide in the early 20th century. What was that? It was people killing other people for thinking that their god was something. The Halocaust. The "Ultimate Solution," ridding Europe of the scum that was the impure, the dirty, anything that wasn't Aerian. What wasn't Aerian? Anyone not of a select few from a high class Christian gene pool. There are many many more recent examples, but for now I'll leave off here.
Religion only serves to tear people apart. Most of the longest running wars have been based on religion. The Crusades. WWII. Ireland/North Ireland. Hutsis/Tutsis. And what has religion given us in return for being so fucking deplorable? A reason to go on making mankind pissed off.
Intolerability is one of my biggest peeves. I see it all the time. People don't like me because I'm opinionated. They don't like me because I like the Yankees. They don't like me because I don't like them because they don't like me because they're just plain ignorant to me. All across the world, people hate each other because no one will stop and fucking pay attention to each other. Why the fuck won't people just shut the fuck up and let other people talk for once?
A big thing in America lately is abortion. Christianazis tell everyone that if you don't oppose abortion with every fiber of your body, wou will go to Hell. Fuck that. There is no fucking hell other than your own stupidity, fucktards. I don't give a fuck about abortion, whether it's legal or not. But when there's a teenage mother-to-be that will die if she doesn't get an abortion (there are many pregnancies that result in this), why should she die because an old man in the Vatican said god told him abortion is bad? God does not exist, to anyone out there still ignorant enough to believe in it. Let me explain something to you all. God never created us. We evolved, through selective reproduction, from tiny mammals to the fucked up creatures we are now.
So go to your Hell. I don't give a flying fuck about your god or what he thinks about me. If he's so almighty, why hasn't he smacked my ass all the way to hell by now? He's had plenty of chances.
So, when I tell people that I don't like religion, they consider me a bad person. Why? Fuck if I know. With all the good religion has done for us, I'm suprised it's had any following at all. All I've learned from it is intolerability.
What about gay people? Everyone in America has a view on gay people. Whether you think they're people, or you think they cause the destruction of civilization, you definately have a stance. I say "Who the fuck cares?" If some guy wants to get married to another guy, so be it. I don't give a fuck what people do in their bedrooms at night, and it shouldn't matter anyways. The new politally correct standpoint against gay people is the "sanctity of the word 'marriage'" group. Marriage isnt sanctimonious anymore. If two gay people want to get married, let them. The only people that will ever fight it are the idiots who won't get their thumbs out of their asses and let some progress happen in this country.
Like the lovely people out there that hate our current president. Michael Moore, if you ever read this, I just want to say "Go fuck yourself." I'm sick of people bitching about the president. They actually think it's his fault the world hates America. News flash, idiots. The president has almost no power, contrary to common belief. Every thing he does is voted on and voted on again. Congress. Senate. Board of Secretaries. Any of these ring a bell? For every decision made by the president, there are 10 or 100 or 300 that can go against his view. The president doesn't even get the final say in anything. If he approves or vetoes a bill or call of action, the Senate and House can just vote it in or veto it themselves. Fuck. I would vote for George Bush if I were to vote. Why? Just to see all those whiney pricks out ther like Michael Moore bitch their fat asses off. If you don't like the way the country is being run, then get the fuck out.
Moreover, I know a lot of people that won't ever pause to hear the opposate side to an argument. I debate a lot with a lot of people. My latest debate was with a girl I know about the value of relationships. I told her that in almost every relationship that I had seen or been in, the girl had used the guy for all they could, then got rid of themas soon as possible. She called me an idiot, which I knew was coming. I gave her examples of every time I had seen a girl take advantage of a guy for whatever reason they did, and then I told her about the very few times that I had seen the opposate. She didn't even listen to a word I said. Instead, she told me that "Girls never take advantage of guys" and later went on to tell me that I was "definately venting some pent-up frustration." I asked her how she knew this before me. I figured that I would be the first to know about me "venting," wouldn't I?
Seems to me that most of my problems stem from people disagreeing with me. Makes sense. Go ahead and disagree with me. It's your right as a person. But, when you start telling me that I am a fuckup because I'm not just like you I will start to get pissed off, as I was tonight. So I have a nice little message to all of you out there who want to tell me I'm a bad person, based on my views:
GO FUCK OFF.
Good night.
Saturday, October 16, 2004
Sunday, October 10, 2004
[ i Baya Baya ! ]
So I've been playing a lot of Fable lately. It's a good game and all, but it didn't live up to my expectations. I was hoping for some XboXLive action...like at least Diablo style where you play the single-player quests with more than one person. Oh well.
I took the SATs today. So painfully boring, the test was. I finished all the sections about 5 minutes early. Every one of them. That means I sat and waited about 40 minutes. The test was 3 hours long, so that means I was only testing for about 65% of the time I was there. Oh well.
For the next few sections, I'm gonna put up pictures of my friends that I talk about, just to show you that they are, indeed real...
Today Court was sick...sounds like a flu, but her mom thinks she has mono (lol). She quit her job at Panera today and wasn't too happy tonight, but I did my best to cheer her up, cuz thats what I do, right? Court is here. She's the one in the orange shirt.
So then Lisa was kinda sick too. She was sleeping in the TV room at her house when her parents were watching some murder show and she had a dream that she was being murdered. She and I did that mind thing again where she and I say the same thing at the same time...it's really starting to creep me out. Lisa is in rockstar mode here.
I think today (yesterday actually) was Michizelle's birthday, so I sang happy birthday to her on Chief Delphi with a Bostonian accent. It was good. Michi's pic is here.
What else? Oh yeah. I met this girl tonight, named Karinka. She goes by Karen for some reason. I think Karinka is a better name, sounds less plain. Apparently it's a Russian name. Imagine that. Her picture is here if you want to see it.
Steph's home tonight, and I don't think I've seen her this happy for a while. She really doesn't like it at school. I wish I could help her...
Well. That's about it for tonight. Later.
So I've been playing a lot of Fable lately. It's a good game and all, but it didn't live up to my expectations. I was hoping for some XboXLive action...like at least Diablo style where you play the single-player quests with more than one person. Oh well.
I took the SATs today. So painfully boring, the test was. I finished all the sections about 5 minutes early. Every one of them. That means I sat and waited about 40 minutes. The test was 3 hours long, so that means I was only testing for about 65% of the time I was there. Oh well.
For the next few sections, I'm gonna put up pictures of my friends that I talk about, just to show you that they are, indeed real...
Today Court was sick...sounds like a flu, but her mom thinks she has mono (lol). She quit her job at Panera today and wasn't too happy tonight, but I did my best to cheer her up, cuz thats what I do, right? Court is here. She's the one in the orange shirt.
So then Lisa was kinda sick too. She was sleeping in the TV room at her house when her parents were watching some murder show and she had a dream that she was being murdered. She and I did that mind thing again where she and I say the same thing at the same time...it's really starting to creep me out. Lisa is in rockstar mode here.
I think today (yesterday actually) was Michizelle's birthday, so I sang happy birthday to her on Chief Delphi with a Bostonian accent. It was good. Michi's pic is here.
What else? Oh yeah. I met this girl tonight, named Karinka. She goes by Karen for some reason. I think Karinka is a better name, sounds less plain. Apparently it's a Russian name. Imagine that. Her picture is here if you want to see it.
Steph's home tonight, and I don't think I've seen her this happy for a while. She really doesn't like it at school. I wish I could help her...
Well. That's about it for tonight. Later.
Tuesday, October 05, 2004
[Blarg]
Well, life has settled into a pretty steady pace about now. I wake up in the morning to bring my brother to school, then come home for a few hours and go to school myself. After school I come home and grab a bite to eat then go to work until like six. After work I come home, have supper and go on my computer until usually after midnight. I then go to sleep and start the cycle again.
I'm so bored with my life.
I think the reason I'm so bored is that I have no money at all. I'm living off $2 for the next 2 weeks. Yay.
While I have my problems, though, everyone else does. Some more than me, so I take boredom and being broke thankfully.
On another note...Lisa can't wear her pajamas to her Homecoming. That would have been funny since she goes to an all-girls Catholic school. Since she can't wear pajamas, I thought she should wear "duct tape sleepwear." Hey, it's not pajamas, right?
Last night I was so bored that I hooked up my X-Box to my computer. I took a snapshot and I'll post it later. The game is Dance Dance Revolution, if you couldn't guess already. I lied. The screenshot thing didn't work out right, so I'm not going to post the picture. You'll just have to take my word for it.
Arg. I was reading some of my friend's blog stuff. She's my friend that has the repetitive problems with some asshole (see late May last year or just a few entries ago), but now she just seems sad overall. I'm a little worried about her... She says she's not making any friends at school, and that it seems just like high school to her. I don't know. More on that when I know more on it...
--Me
Monday, September 27, 2004
[You made me think of waffles.]
Well since my last post, not a lot has happened. Monochrome and I have started working on the FIRST team's website. It looks ok at this stage, but it could be better. I'll post on that when it's up.
Lately I've been going into the FIRST chat room a lot. It usually ends up being just a collection of random people saying lots of random stuff, but it's a lot of fun, and you get to meet the coolest people.
Take Court, for example. She's a runner. Not like a battery runner (though she did that last year), she's a cross country runner. She's one of the funniest girls I know. She's awesome.
There's Arefin. He's Indian I think. Everyone likes to make fun of him, but he's a cool guy. He's awesome.
Then there's Lisa. Oh Lisa. She's just like me...only a girl...and a little more motivated. Often random and spastic. She's awesome.
Uh. Who else? Kyle. I don't know much about him but I'm married to his wife, so commutitively I think I'm married to him, as weird as that is. With him and my wife, Genia, I have two glorious children. Their names are Court and Lisa. Weird, eh?
So what else? Oh yeah. 'Fin started a thread on ChiefDelphi about a FIRST Prom to be held at Nationals. Right now, I'm going with Court, Genia, Lisa, and Genia's husband Kyle. It'll be orgyliscious. Yay.
Who loves the chocolate?
Everyone loves the chocolate.
Nobody hates the chocolate.
Cos everyone loves the chocolate.
Well since my last post, not a lot has happened. Monochrome and I have started working on the FIRST team's website. It looks ok at this stage, but it could be better. I'll post on that when it's up.
Lately I've been going into the FIRST chat room a lot. It usually ends up being just a collection of random people saying lots of random stuff, but it's a lot of fun, and you get to meet the coolest people.
Take Court, for example. She's a runner. Not like a battery runner (though she did that last year), she's a cross country runner. She's one of the funniest girls I know. She's awesome.
There's Arefin. He's Indian I think. Everyone likes to make fun of him, but he's a cool guy. He's awesome.
Then there's Lisa. Oh Lisa. She's just like me...only a girl...and a little more motivated. Often random and spastic. She's awesome.
Uh. Who else? Kyle. I don't know much about him but I'm married to his wife, so commutitively I think I'm married to him, as weird as that is. With him and my wife, Genia, I have two glorious children. Their names are Court and Lisa. Weird, eh?
So what else? Oh yeah. 'Fin started a thread on ChiefDelphi about a FIRST Prom to be held at Nationals. Right now, I'm going with Court, Genia, Lisa, and Genia's husband Kyle. It'll be orgyliscious. Yay.
Who loves the chocolate?
Everyone loves the chocolate.
Nobody hates the chocolate.
Cos everyone loves the chocolate.
Friday, September 17, 2004
[You always hurt the ones you love]
Remeber way back in May when I posted about my friend getting dumped? Well the same shithead had been up to more than just ditching her. As it turns out, he cheated on her while they were together and ended up just dumping her because he had a thing for another girl.
She's been really sad all night and we were talking for like an hour about this. I really think I should go break that guy's knees or something.
Remeber way back in May when I posted about my friend getting dumped? Well the same shithead had been up to more than just ditching her. As it turns out, he cheated on her while they were together and ended up just dumping her because he had a thing for another girl.
She's been really sad all night and we were talking for like an hour about this. I really think I should go break that guy's knees or something.
Monday, September 13, 2004
[The way things are]
Ever used gmail? It's great. It's so fast. And you get like a gigabyte of storage. That's pimp.
But beyond that, school has started. That means that my new job started too. I'm *still* a counselor, but at an after school program. I get paid to do my homework. I love it--not only do I DO my homework, but I get paid to do it as well. That's pimp too.
Genia got an iPod yesterday. It was her birthday. I'm kinda jealous, but iPods are super pimp, so I know I will be getting one sooner or later.
We went ice skating the other day. Seth hurt himself and has been whining all weekend about it. We saw Darcie there. She's the "Ice Guard," but she's going to scribble that part off her jacket and it'll say Ice Pimp instead. She's a pimp, you know.
We went to Manchester West for River Rage on Saturday. I drove and we got Quarter-(or Semi-)Finalist. I forget which. We won 4 out of 6 qualifier matches and narrowly lost 2 out of the 3 final qualifying matches. I didn't have the heart to beat Francis's team. There was an awesome video taken from the competition though here. Check it out if you have a chance, it's insane.
That's all for now. Later all.
Ever used gmail? It's great. It's so fast. And you get like a gigabyte of storage. That's pimp.
But beyond that, school has started. That means that my new job started too. I'm *still* a counselor, but at an after school program. I get paid to do my homework. I love it--not only do I DO my homework, but I get paid to do it as well. That's pimp too.
Genia got an iPod yesterday. It was her birthday. I'm kinda jealous, but iPods are super pimp, so I know I will be getting one sooner or later.
We went ice skating the other day. Seth hurt himself and has been whining all weekend about it. We saw Darcie there. She's the "Ice Guard," but she's going to scribble that part off her jacket and it'll say Ice Pimp instead. She's a pimp, you know.
We went to Manchester West for River Rage on Saturday. I drove and we got Quarter-(or Semi-)Finalist. I forget which. We won 4 out of 6 qualifier matches and narrowly lost 2 out of the 3 final qualifying matches. I didn't have the heart to beat Francis's team. There was an awesome video taken from the competition though here. Check it out if you have a chance, it's insane.
That's all for now. Later all.
Monday, August 23, 2004
[Dumbass]
Well, once again, I have screwed up big time. How, this time? To start, let me tell you about my friend. She's a very smart person and a lot like me. Believe it or not, over the few months I've known her, she had developed a crush on me. But, as per usual I fucked that up. Tonight I was talking to her and I mentioned my good friend Alex (a female friend I know from Colorado, who I have no chance with whatsoever), and she got a little upset and since I'm retarded, when I tried to cheer her up, I just made her more upset.
How can I be so stupid? I don't try to be, but it just happens. So, once again I ruined a good thing going for me just by being my usual dumbass self.
This is exactly why I don't get involved with anyone anymore. Whenever I do, I do something stupid and I lose a friend.
Well, once again, I have screwed up big time. How, this time? To start, let me tell you about my friend. She's a very smart person and a lot like me. Believe it or not, over the few months I've known her, she had developed a crush on me. But, as per usual I fucked that up. Tonight I was talking to her and I mentioned my good friend Alex (a female friend I know from Colorado, who I have no chance with whatsoever), and she got a little upset and since I'm retarded, when I tried to cheer her up, I just made her more upset.
How can I be so stupid? I don't try to be, but it just happens. So, once again I ruined a good thing going for me just by being my usual dumbass self.
This is exactly why I don't get involved with anyone anymore. Whenever I do, I do something stupid and I lose a friend.
Wednesday, August 18, 2004
[When it all boils down...]
Well, it's been a little bit since I've posted, so I decided to update the ol' blog. Today at work we went ice skating and I saw 2 girls that looked distinctly like 2 of my ex's. I think they were plotting something since it was a little weird to see them both at the same place in the middle of the day, but whatever. I got ice burn on my leg when some kid skating the wrong way slammed into me. Jackass.
What else? Doom III kicks ass. I got it last Friday and played it 'til Sunday. Yay.
Uh...My computer died a few weeks back so I needed to build another one... My specs are:
AMD AthlonXP 2600+ @ 1.91GHz
1.00 GB DDR 266 RAM (I used my old RAM)
GeForceFX 5700 w/ 256 MB RAM
80 GB HDD @ 7200 RPM
My video card burned out though so I need to wait another week and a half before I can get a replacement, and I'm back on my GeForce4 Ti4200 with only 128 MB RAM. Oh well, such is life.
Saw some hot girls the other day. Too bad they were picking up their kids at camp. I think they got knocked up at age 14 or something because they aren't more than like 24 or 25 years old. Too bad for them. Sigh.
That's about all for now. Catch y'all later.
Well, it's been a little bit since I've posted, so I decided to update the ol' blog. Today at work we went ice skating and I saw 2 girls that looked distinctly like 2 of my ex's. I think they were plotting something since it was a little weird to see them both at the same place in the middle of the day, but whatever. I got ice burn on my leg when some kid skating the wrong way slammed into me. Jackass.
What else? Doom III kicks ass. I got it last Friday and played it 'til Sunday. Yay.
Uh...My computer died a few weeks back so I needed to build another one... My specs are:
AMD AthlonXP 2600+ @ 1.91GHz
1.00 GB DDR 266 RAM (I used my old RAM)
GeForceFX 5700 w/ 256 MB RAM
80 GB HDD @ 7200 RPM
My video card burned out though so I need to wait another week and a half before I can get a replacement, and I'm back on my GeForce4 Ti4200 with only 128 MB RAM. Oh well, such is life.
Saw some hot girls the other day. Too bad they were picking up their kids at camp. I think they got knocked up at age 14 or something because they aren't more than like 24 or 25 years old. Too bad for them. Sigh.
That's about all for now. Catch y'all later.
Sunday, August 01, 2004
[The Bender]
Well I just uploaded like 15 pictures that I had sitting on my harddrive because I was trying to make a picture for my Blogger profile show up. So why the 15 random pictures? I have a short attention span. Enjoy them, though as more are certain to come. Most likely theme for the next batch: DDR stuff.
Well I just uploaded like 15 pictures that I had sitting on my harddrive because I was trying to make a picture for my Blogger profile show up. So why the 15 random pictures? I have a short attention span. Enjoy them, though as more are certain to come. Most likely theme for the next batch: DDR stuff.
[The Sex Game]
Nothing big today, just wanted to post that Friday night I went to a LAN party at Brandon's. Not too great a LAN. Seth's are better.
Got a Gmail Account last week. jake.gallagher@gmail.com if you feel like emailing me there.
Yesterday we went up to the lake and played DDR at the arcade and then went to another, bigger arcade and played there. After that we went to the beach and played around in some kayaks.
Quite an eventful weekend.
Right now, I'm playing "The Sex Game" with Genia. She seems to like it. It's one of those This or That kind of games...You can probably get the rest.
Tomorrow is when parking stickers get on sale at school. Seth is coming over early and we're heading up there to purchase them. Yay.
Later, all.
Nothing big today, just wanted to post that Friday night I went to a LAN party at Brandon's. Not too great a LAN. Seth's are better.
Got a Gmail Account last week. jake.gallagher@gmail.com if you feel like emailing me there.
Yesterday we went up to the lake and played DDR at the arcade and then went to another, bigger arcade and played there. After that we went to the beach and played around in some kayaks.
Quite an eventful weekend.
Right now, I'm playing "The Sex Game" with Genia. She seems to like it. It's one of those This or That kind of games...You can probably get the rest.
Tomorrow is when parking stickers get on sale at school. Seth is coming over early and we're heading up there to purchase them. Yay.
Later, all.
Sunday, July 25, 2004
[Hello.com]
Just got this neat little application from here that lets me post pictures onto my blog, so all of you get to see my ugly mug. Cool, eh?
Just got this neat little application from here that lets me post pictures onto my blog, so all of you get to see my ugly mug. Cool, eh?
Tuesday, July 20, 2004
[Heehee]
Just started taking some quizzes randomly in Quizilla again.
Which swear am I?
your fuck.
What swear word are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
I like that one.
Just started taking some quizzes randomly in Quizilla again.
Which swear am I?
your fuck.
What swear word are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
I like that one.
[When it all goes to hell]
Ever see a kid grow up? Do you know how much difference one year can make for a 12 year old? I do.
Working at a summer camp you realize how fast kids really grow up and how much they can change in a short amount of time. Last year was the first year I really worked for a camp. I tell ya, there were quite a few problems, but for the most part it was great.
I got to know 140 of the greatest people on the planet. Some of them I wanted to strangle daily, but I would still give my life in an instant for any of them. This year, a lot of the kids came back from last year and I was both suprised and saddened by the changes that they went through in the year they had been gone.
First of all, there is one girl, named Katie. She was the most energetic little girl I had ever seen last year and at the beginning of the summer I was thinking to myself "We have quite a handful this year." She turned out to be one of the best campers I would ever know. So this year when she was in my group again I was excited thinking that it would be another great summer with her. I was wrong. In one year, she had turned into a sweet little girl into a girl on the verge of begging for sex. She acts like a porn star and has gotten into more than one fight over boys. Know what the worst part is? She's 9 years old. NINE. How the fuck does that kind of transformation happen to a nine year old?
Second, there is another kid in my group, named Bryce. He was, like Katie, relatively well behaved and very energetic. Now, though he's mopey all the time and disrespectful toward everyone, as well as very whiney. Someone told me that his brother molested him.
Another girl at the camp, Jess, was the best kid I could know last year. She's the worst one in camp though. Today her group went up north to a science center and went for a hike on some trails. She crouched down for a rest. Now this wouldn't be so bad, but she likes to wear short shorts. On top of this, she didn't wear any panties, so just about everyone saw just about everything. Added to that, she's going to a hotel room with her "friend" tonight. Who brings a 13 year old to a hotel on a Tuesday night for one night?
I just don't know anymore. I know that phrase is the most commonly used one in this blog, but God dammit I'm pissed off. Boss Lady Elaine says that I can't do anything to try to intervene or I will lose my job. I can't take this. I mean, how does this happen? These are just the three stories I heard today alone. Three kids, all of which were good kids no more than a year ago, and now they're all jumping into a handbasket.
What is someone supposed to do?
Ever see a kid grow up? Do you know how much difference one year can make for a 12 year old? I do.
Working at a summer camp you realize how fast kids really grow up and how much they can change in a short amount of time. Last year was the first year I really worked for a camp. I tell ya, there were quite a few problems, but for the most part it was great.
I got to know 140 of the greatest people on the planet. Some of them I wanted to strangle daily, but I would still give my life in an instant for any of them. This year, a lot of the kids came back from last year and I was both suprised and saddened by the changes that they went through in the year they had been gone.
First of all, there is one girl, named Katie. She was the most energetic little girl I had ever seen last year and at the beginning of the summer I was thinking to myself "We have quite a handful this year." She turned out to be one of the best campers I would ever know. So this year when she was in my group again I was excited thinking that it would be another great summer with her. I was wrong. In one year, she had turned into a sweet little girl into a girl on the verge of begging for sex. She acts like a porn star and has gotten into more than one fight over boys. Know what the worst part is? She's 9 years old. NINE. How the fuck does that kind of transformation happen to a nine year old?
Second, there is another kid in my group, named Bryce. He was, like Katie, relatively well behaved and very energetic. Now, though he's mopey all the time and disrespectful toward everyone, as well as very whiney. Someone told me that his brother molested him.
Another girl at the camp, Jess, was the best kid I could know last year. She's the worst one in camp though. Today her group went up north to a science center and went for a hike on some trails. She crouched down for a rest. Now this wouldn't be so bad, but she likes to wear short shorts. On top of this, she didn't wear any panties, so just about everyone saw just about everything. Added to that, she's going to a hotel room with her "friend" tonight. Who brings a 13 year old to a hotel on a Tuesday night for one night?
I just don't know anymore. I know that phrase is the most commonly used one in this blog, but God dammit I'm pissed off. Boss Lady Elaine says that I can't do anything to try to intervene or I will lose my job. I can't take this. I mean, how does this happen? These are just the three stories I heard today alone. Three kids, all of which were good kids no more than a year ago, and now they're all jumping into a handbasket.
What is someone supposed to do?
Monday, July 19, 2004
[Mexico]
Steve called me about 2 weeks ago and said that I'm going to Mexico with him in February. I think that's pretty cool. I mean how often does someone get to go to Mexico? Well. It's an all-expenses paid resprt so I'm just gonna hang by the ocean and drink expensive drinks and stuff.
Yesterday was Alex's birthday. She's 15 now. In her words: "Wahoo." Wish I could talk to get more, but she isn't online much anymore.
Work kinda sucks now. I quit Market Basket, but summer camp is pretty bad though. The Renaissance Project gave up control of the camp since their grant ran out, so the Boys and Girls Club too over and has pissed more than just me off since then. I mean, even kids are mad about what's happening. I don't think it's good when the camp overseer spends more time yelling at kids than making sure she's presentable. She comes in a half hour late and sits down to put stamps on her wedding invitations...only to scream at one of the nicest girls I know because she didn't wear a camp shirt that day. What a fucking bitch.
Now when I related that little episode it seemed like it was only a one-time thing. Not at all. Elaine doesn't come in unless she really feels like it. When she does, she's always late. One day she left to go to the Boys and Girls Club in Concord (20 minutes from the main camp base) and was gone all day. Turns out she wasn't at the Boys and Girls Club for more than a half hour before she left. We never did find out where she was or why it took her all day to go there.
Then there's Steve. That guy creeps me out. He comes in the first day and tells the kids to call him Smiley. Now I wouldn't mind it if that were a name they made up for him, but it's just a little weird for a 26 year old guy to tell 8 year olds to call him Smiley. Then he starts holding hands with the kids. Not even only the girls, either. Later, he brings in flourescent pink fishnet arm covers and tells some of the boys to wear them. And all through this he is bringing in Spongebob Squarepants lanyards that are grimey and gross, and telling kids to wear them around their necks. I think he gets off from little kids looking like gay men. Speaking of Steve and gay men, he asked like 4 people to go to the "3on3 Gay Lounge" in Manchester. That just creeped me out. I was sort of offended that he would ask me about that, too. I don't know. Something needs to be done about him, and soon.
--Jake
Steve called me about 2 weeks ago and said that I'm going to Mexico with him in February. I think that's pretty cool. I mean how often does someone get to go to Mexico? Well. It's an all-expenses paid resprt so I'm just gonna hang by the ocean and drink expensive drinks and stuff.
Yesterday was Alex's birthday. She's 15 now. In her words: "Wahoo." Wish I could talk to get more, but she isn't online much anymore.
Work kinda sucks now. I quit Market Basket, but summer camp is pretty bad though. The Renaissance Project gave up control of the camp since their grant ran out, so the Boys and Girls Club too over and has pissed more than just me off since then. I mean, even kids are mad about what's happening. I don't think it's good when the camp overseer spends more time yelling at kids than making sure she's presentable. She comes in a half hour late and sits down to put stamps on her wedding invitations...only to scream at one of the nicest girls I know because she didn't wear a camp shirt that day. What a fucking bitch.
Now when I related that little episode it seemed like it was only a one-time thing. Not at all. Elaine doesn't come in unless she really feels like it. When she does, she's always late. One day she left to go to the Boys and Girls Club in Concord (20 minutes from the main camp base) and was gone all day. Turns out she wasn't at the Boys and Girls Club for more than a half hour before she left. We never did find out where she was or why it took her all day to go there.
Then there's Steve. That guy creeps me out. He comes in the first day and tells the kids to call him Smiley. Now I wouldn't mind it if that were a name they made up for him, but it's just a little weird for a 26 year old guy to tell 8 year olds to call him Smiley. Then he starts holding hands with the kids. Not even only the girls, either. Later, he brings in flourescent pink fishnet arm covers and tells some of the boys to wear them. And all through this he is bringing in Spongebob Squarepants lanyards that are grimey and gross, and telling kids to wear them around their necks. I think he gets off from little kids looking like gay men. Speaking of Steve and gay men, he asked like 4 people to go to the "3on3 Gay Lounge" in Manchester. That just creeped me out. I was sort of offended that he would ask me about that, too. I don't know. Something needs to be done about him, and soon.
--Jake
Monday, June 14, 2004
[What's Wrong With Me?]
Don't answer that.
Well, it's been 2 whole days since I last posted, so I decided to post some since I don't have a whole lot else to do tonight.
A guy at work told me tonight that I need to get a girlfriend. I wish it were that easy for me. Fuck, I can't even talk to most girls out there, let alone ask one out.
Fuck, man.
Talking to people makes me feel even worse sometimes. I've been talking to some of the girls I know about stuff that's been going on in our lives. I talked to one of my friends one night until early in the morning because she's been having a hard time with her ex, and I was up all night with her one time just talking. There's a lot of stuff that we talk about and I really wish I could help her more than I can.
On another note, I've been talking to one of my close friends a lot and I can't think about anything but her sometimes. Why? On top of all the other shit in my life, I'm probably going to screw up one of the best relationships I've ever had by going crazy over a girl. Go me.
On a lighter note, Pat is going to St. Paul's this summer to study Artificial Intelligence. I asked if that is just because he went there last year, or if it's another program altogether. If I can, I want to go next year. I was so bummed out because the didn't invite me for this year, and every time I talk to Steph or Pat they make me feel even worse because they both went last year. Hope I can go, though. That would kick some major portions of ass.
Don't answer that.
Well, it's been 2 whole days since I last posted, so I decided to post some since I don't have a whole lot else to do tonight.
A guy at work told me tonight that I need to get a girlfriend. I wish it were that easy for me. Fuck, I can't even talk to most girls out there, let alone ask one out.
Fuck, man.
Talking to people makes me feel even worse sometimes. I've been talking to some of the girls I know about stuff that's been going on in our lives. I talked to one of my friends one night until early in the morning because she's been having a hard time with her ex, and I was up all night with her one time just talking. There's a lot of stuff that we talk about and I really wish I could help her more than I can.
On another note, I've been talking to one of my close friends a lot and I can't think about anything but her sometimes. Why? On top of all the other shit in my life, I'm probably going to screw up one of the best relationships I've ever had by going crazy over a girl. Go me.
On a lighter note, Pat is going to St. Paul's this summer to study Artificial Intelligence. I asked if that is just because he went there last year, or if it's another program altogether. If I can, I want to go next year. I was so bummed out because the didn't invite me for this year, and every time I talk to Steph or Pat they make me feel even worse because they both went last year. Hope I can go, though. That would kick some major portions of ass.
Saturday, June 12, 2004
[A day of many feats]
Today was second block final, but I didn't have one so I just hung out at home until the review for third block. After that I came home and cleaned out my car because it needed to be done.
Went to the movies with Steph and afterwards we went to the mall and I got some snazzy new swag. Got two shirts and a pair of shorts at Old Navy and then went to Electronics Boutique where I got Harvest Moon for GBA and then to Hot Topic where I got a John Deere shirt and a new watch. I was just about out of money at that point so we just headed over to Steph's so she could show me all her neat stuff. At about 8 we went to Pat's to go swimming and then we got cold so we went inside and I got ignored for a couple hours. Big suprise there.
I'm cool with it, though, happens all the time. Just about everywhere I go with more than one other person, I get left out. I guess I can't do much about it. I think it's in other people's nature to just ignore me unless they want something.
So I'm sitting here trying to think of something to do, and I realized that I haven't updated my blog in a while, and since today was sooooo amusing I figured I'd dump some of my shit thoughts in here.
I wrote a song too. Yay. It's called The Sun Goes Down. Enjoy the First Draft.
I'm so sick of pretending
That I'm not what I am
Tired of feeling
Nothing like I truely am
The world thinks im not who I really am
Free, light, not distant from all we are
And it all falls apart
After he sun goes down
I lose myself
When the sun goes down
I can't keep control
And in the end, the sun goes down
When im out there
I look like anyone else
Happy, normal, independent
But when I'm not in the open
The real me comes out
And it all falls apart
After he sun goes down
I lose myself
When the sun goes down
I can't keep control
And in the end, the sun goes down
The sun goes down
On me, on you, on everything we know
I get lost in the darkness
No one to help me get out
Of this prison I am locked up in
And it all falls apart
After he sun goes down
I lose myself
When the sun goes down
I can't keep control
And in the end, the sun goes down
And it all falls apart
After he sun goes down
I lose myself
When the sun goes down
I can't keep control
And in the end, the sun goes down
(The Sun goes down...)
Today was second block final, but I didn't have one so I just hung out at home until the review for third block. After that I came home and cleaned out my car because it needed to be done.
Went to the movies with Steph and afterwards we went to the mall and I got some snazzy new swag. Got two shirts and a pair of shorts at Old Navy and then went to Electronics Boutique where I got Harvest Moon for GBA and then to Hot Topic where I got a John Deere shirt and a new watch. I was just about out of money at that point so we just headed over to Steph's so she could show me all her neat stuff. At about 8 we went to Pat's to go swimming and then we got cold so we went inside and I got ignored for a couple hours. Big suprise there.
I'm cool with it, though, happens all the time. Just about everywhere I go with more than one other person, I get left out. I guess I can't do much about it. I think it's in other people's nature to just ignore me unless they want something.
So I'm sitting here trying to think of something to do, and I realized that I haven't updated my blog in a while, and since today was sooooo amusing I figured I'd dump some of my shit thoughts in here.
I wrote a song too. Yay. It's called The Sun Goes Down. Enjoy the First Draft.
I'm so sick of pretending
That I'm not what I am
Tired of feeling
Nothing like I truely am
The world thinks im not who I really am
Free, light, not distant from all we are
And it all falls apart
After he sun goes down
I lose myself
When the sun goes down
I can't keep control
And in the end, the sun goes down
When im out there
I look like anyone else
Happy, normal, independent
But when I'm not in the open
The real me comes out
And it all falls apart
After he sun goes down
I lose myself
When the sun goes down
I can't keep control
And in the end, the sun goes down
The sun goes down
On me, on you, on everything we know
I get lost in the darkness
No one to help me get out
Of this prison I am locked up in
And it all falls apart
After he sun goes down
I lose myself
When the sun goes down
I can't keep control
And in the end, the sun goes down
And it all falls apart
After he sun goes down
I lose myself
When the sun goes down
I can't keep control
And in the end, the sun goes down
(The Sun goes down...)
Sunday, June 06, 2004
Tuesday, May 25, 2004
[Why?]
Tell me why the worst things always happen to the best of people.
I have a friend who is one of the most amazing people I know was let down, and now she just wants to give everything up. I don't know what to do to help her because I don't know how. It hurts just talking to her though, because I don't want to see her sad.
As many times as I've been dumped, I know how much someone can hurt another person, but I still can't help but hurt for her, and now pains me more than any time when I've been dumped myself.
I value my friends and family more than anything I have or will ever own, and when one of them is hurt, I don't care about anything that is going on in my own life, just theirs.
As much as I want to, I just can't help her though. Nothing is restricting me except my inability to console her.
I don't know what else to write but that if she reads this I want her to know that no matter what happens, I'll always be here for her. Always.
Tell me why the worst things always happen to the best of people.
I have a friend who is one of the most amazing people I know was let down, and now she just wants to give everything up. I don't know what to do to help her because I don't know how. It hurts just talking to her though, because I don't want to see her sad.
As many times as I've been dumped, I know how much someone can hurt another person, but I still can't help but hurt for her, and now pains me more than any time when I've been dumped myself.
I value my friends and family more than anything I have or will ever own, and when one of them is hurt, I don't care about anything that is going on in my own life, just theirs.
As much as I want to, I just can't help her though. Nothing is restricting me except my inability to console her.
I don't know what else to write but that if she reads this I want her to know that no matter what happens, I'll always be here for her. Always.
Tuesday, March 30, 2004
[The American Reality]
You've all heard it, the tale of someone starting a multibillion dollar software company in their garage, or someone who designs a special bike for people who only have use of their arms.
These people end up making millions of dollars and becoming famous. It's called the American Dream, isn't it? The American Dream is that noble cause that everyone is supposed to follow, that "Work hard and anyone, even you make a name for yourself" philosophy that everyone has.
The truth is that the American Dream is just that, a dream. Like almost every dream, this one is unattainable. The American Dream is a false philosophy. No matter how hard you work, there's a great possibility that you will be left behind in the wake of the people who will step on you to move up.
In this country, the hardest workers are usually the ones who are continually left behind. Take a look at the class of people called "Blue Collar." These are the good ol' boys, the coal miners, the farmers, and the people who put in a good day's work every day, and collect a modest paycheck at the end of the week. You look at the "White Collar" folks, and you'll see a great contrast. The rich people are getting richer, and they're doing less and less work. People in the top of the big companies that make everything "easier" for us are the ones that mainly just sit at home and watch TV, or just go out and play golf on their own private course on one of their islands in the Carribean. They are the lazy ones that make humanity so incredibly disgusting. Yes, it is easier to find the bad points in people than the good ones, but when you look at people as a hole, you won't see the good ones that hold up the rest of them. No, you'll only see the "creme de la creme," the ones who are standing on top of everyone else.
So, where's all this going? Where is this rant on the unfairness of American life headed? This isn't a post that I just ran off. I've been thinking about this for quite some time now, and the only way I can think of educating the masses is through my writing. All I'm trying to say is that it matters none whether you work yourself to the bone or just fuck off your whole life, you'll end up under six feet of dirt anyway.
Bottom Line:
The American Dream: Work hard and you can make your dreams come true.
The American Reality: Work hard and get left behind and stepped upon your whole life.
You've all heard it, the tale of someone starting a multibillion dollar software company in their garage, or someone who designs a special bike for people who only have use of their arms.
These people end up making millions of dollars and becoming famous. It's called the American Dream, isn't it? The American Dream is that noble cause that everyone is supposed to follow, that "Work hard and anyone, even you make a name for yourself" philosophy that everyone has.
The truth is that the American Dream is just that, a dream. Like almost every dream, this one is unattainable. The American Dream is a false philosophy. No matter how hard you work, there's a great possibility that you will be left behind in the wake of the people who will step on you to move up.
In this country, the hardest workers are usually the ones who are continually left behind. Take a look at the class of people called "Blue Collar." These are the good ol' boys, the coal miners, the farmers, and the people who put in a good day's work every day, and collect a modest paycheck at the end of the week. You look at the "White Collar" folks, and you'll see a great contrast. The rich people are getting richer, and they're doing less and less work. People in the top of the big companies that make everything "easier" for us are the ones that mainly just sit at home and watch TV, or just go out and play golf on their own private course on one of their islands in the Carribean. They are the lazy ones that make humanity so incredibly disgusting. Yes, it is easier to find the bad points in people than the good ones, but when you look at people as a hole, you won't see the good ones that hold up the rest of them. No, you'll only see the "creme de la creme," the ones who are standing on top of everyone else.
So, where's all this going? Where is this rant on the unfairness of American life headed? This isn't a post that I just ran off. I've been thinking about this for quite some time now, and the only way I can think of educating the masses is through my writing. All I'm trying to say is that it matters none whether you work yourself to the bone or just fuck off your whole life, you'll end up under six feet of dirt anyway.
Bottom Line:
The American Dream: Work hard and you can make your dreams come true.
The American Reality: Work hard and get left behind and stepped upon your whole life.
Thursday, March 11, 2004
[chin up, dipshit]
Last night, before I went to sleep, I got a peptalk from Ben. The last words that he said to me are the title for tonight's blog post. Today, wehn I woke up, I remembered him telling me this and for some reason it stayed in my mins all through school and afterwards too. Most of the time I wouldn't have given it a second thought if Ben called me a dipshit--it happens almost hourly--but for this one instance, I just couldn't forget about it. And for some reason, it was this one thought that got me through the day. I don't quite know why, but I guess it was Ben that made me feel a lot better. I guess it was a kick in the ass that I needed more than anything.
When we were talking, it suddenly came across me that, yes, my problem was pretty tough for me, but there are people out there who have it much worse off that I ever have. I don't know any, but they're probably out there somewhere.
I guess "I still want to be good friends" means Laura doesn't want to talk to me anymore. It's her loss.
Tomorrow night we're having a LAN party at Seth's house. Everyone is invited, as we're pretty resourceful when we need to get stuff. Seth is going to boost a few tables from work if he needs to, and last time they made a table out of computer cases. Ben uses laptops as mousepads, and we use Seth's little brother to vent any gamerage we build up. He's one angry little freshman, so it won't do any harm to make him a little more mad, will it?
Today was the start of the Track and Field team's season, so I went to the meeting. I don't know if I can work and do track at the same time...
Ordered my class ring today too. $159.64 at Wally World--you can tell by the .64 at the end (not .99 or .95, but .64)--compared to $350.00 for the same one...
Nothing else of note happened today, so I guess I'm off to that magical land called sleep.
The Lost Soul
What sign of the Black Zodiac are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
--Jake
Last night, before I went to sleep, I got a peptalk from Ben. The last words that he said to me are the title for tonight's blog post. Today, wehn I woke up, I remembered him telling me this and for some reason it stayed in my mins all through school and afterwards too. Most of the time I wouldn't have given it a second thought if Ben called me a dipshit--it happens almost hourly--but for this one instance, I just couldn't forget about it. And for some reason, it was this one thought that got me through the day. I don't quite know why, but I guess it was Ben that made me feel a lot better. I guess it was a kick in the ass that I needed more than anything.
When we were talking, it suddenly came across me that, yes, my problem was pretty tough for me, but there are people out there who have it much worse off that I ever have. I don't know any, but they're probably out there somewhere.
I guess "I still want to be good friends" means Laura doesn't want to talk to me anymore. It's her loss.
Tomorrow night we're having a LAN party at Seth's house. Everyone is invited, as we're pretty resourceful when we need to get stuff. Seth is going to boost a few tables from work if he needs to, and last time they made a table out of computer cases. Ben uses laptops as mousepads, and we use Seth's little brother to vent any gamerage we build up. He's one angry little freshman, so it won't do any harm to make him a little more mad, will it?
Today was the start of the Track and Field team's season, so I went to the meeting. I don't know if I can work and do track at the same time...
Ordered my class ring today too. $159.64 at Wally World--you can tell by the .64 at the end (not .99 or .95, but .64)--compared to $350.00 for the same one...
Nothing else of note happened today, so I guess I'm off to that magical land called sleep.
The Lost Soul
What sign of the Black Zodiac are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
--Jake
Wednesday, March 10, 2004
[Why I Think God Hates Me]
While I was at work today I realized that there are quite a few times in my life where God has demonstrated how much he doesn't like me. Here are a few examples:
--Age 0: I was born 6 weeks early with severe jaundice, I nearly died.
--Age 3: I accidently ingested half of a cup of antifreeze. I almost died.
--Age 7: I stepped on a stud bracket, severing a major artery in my foot and nearly bled to death.
--Age 9: I was hit by a truck, completely demolishing my new bike. I stayed in the hospital's ICU for a week, then had nearly a year of rehabilitory therapy. With a major concussion, punctured lung, and broken pelvis, I wasn't in very good shape. I've never been as good at running since, and I have arthritis in my knee as well.
--Age 10: My dad died of a heart attack just after leading my soccer team to a 2nd place in the town's tournament.
--Age 13: Sami, my first girlfriend ditches me for another guy (23 days). My mom marries John Miner, one of the worst decisions she has made to date.
--Age 14: Deanna, my second girlfriend refuses to talk to me (16 days). I still haven't found out why. Kathy, my third girlfriend dumps me the day before my 15th birthday (26 days).
--Age 15: Chelsea, my fourth girlfriend, and a girl I had a crush on for almost a year, tells me that she's been cheating on me and dumps me at a school dance (6 days--and yes, she did cheat on me in 6 days). I meet Laura, and she starts going out with a close friend of mine, Matt. By the end of the summer, my girlfriend Sarah decides she doesn't want to risk drifting away from me during the school year and dumps me.
--Age 16: I reconnect with Laura and we start dating. Three days later, she tells me that she "just isn't ready for another boyfriend," though she was the one that wanted me to ask her out.
If the rest of my life is as bad as the first 16 years, I think I may want out. I have deduced that God hates me because, as you may be able to pick out from the events listed above, nearly every time I am really happy, or I start to get happy, something happens to put a quick end to that.
What do you think? Comment if you wish--that's why I put that comment collector up.
While I was at work today I realized that there are quite a few times in my life where God has demonstrated how much he doesn't like me. Here are a few examples:
--Age 0: I was born 6 weeks early with severe jaundice, I nearly died.
--Age 3: I accidently ingested half of a cup of antifreeze. I almost died.
--Age 7: I stepped on a stud bracket, severing a major artery in my foot and nearly bled to death.
--Age 9: I was hit by a truck, completely demolishing my new bike. I stayed in the hospital's ICU for a week, then had nearly a year of rehabilitory therapy. With a major concussion, punctured lung, and broken pelvis, I wasn't in very good shape. I've never been as good at running since, and I have arthritis in my knee as well.
--Age 10: My dad died of a heart attack just after leading my soccer team to a 2nd place in the town's tournament.
--Age 13: Sami, my first girlfriend ditches me for another guy (23 days). My mom marries John Miner, one of the worst decisions she has made to date.
--Age 14: Deanna, my second girlfriend refuses to talk to me (16 days). I still haven't found out why. Kathy, my third girlfriend dumps me the day before my 15th birthday (26 days).
--Age 15: Chelsea, my fourth girlfriend, and a girl I had a crush on for almost a year, tells me that she's been cheating on me and dumps me at a school dance (6 days--and yes, she did cheat on me in 6 days). I meet Laura, and she starts going out with a close friend of mine, Matt. By the end of the summer, my girlfriend Sarah decides she doesn't want to risk drifting away from me during the school year and dumps me.
--Age 16: I reconnect with Laura and we start dating. Three days later, she tells me that she "just isn't ready for another boyfriend," though she was the one that wanted me to ask her out.
If the rest of my life is as bad as the first 16 years, I think I may want out. I have deduced that God hates me because, as you may be able to pick out from the events listed above, nearly every time I am really happy, or I start to get happy, something happens to put a quick end to that.
What do you think? Comment if you wish--that's why I put that comment collector up.
Tuesday, March 09, 2004
[A Big Ball of Suck]
That's about what my life is at this point. I got dumped (again) this afternoon, and I'm not feeling too good.
I've been thinking a lot though. About girls, about my life, and about me. I've come to realize that pretty much everything I've ever sone just ends up hurting me in the end. Letting my feelings open up to anyone has nearly killed me more than once, but I still let it happen, over and over again. They say it's a sign of stupidity, doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results with each new try. I may have to agree with them, because I have to be really stupid to let myself get hurt over and over doing the same things over and over.
At most, three people read this blog, including myself, and Ben, who just reads it to make fun of me, so I'm pretty sure I know just about everyone who has read it before. You all know that I'm not perfect, but I'd consider myself a nice person, though I must not be good enough for anyone out there. Sure, they all say things, like "I really like you, but now's not the time for me, " or the ever-popular "I think we should just be friends from now on." What these really mean is that the girl has gotten sick of me and they want to get rid of me as quickly and as easily as possible for them to. I know from experience--five girls in less than two years.
But this time is different. Yes, I've been through being dumped plenty of times, but this time hurts me more than any of the others. I don't know if it's the fact that I made a new record of a three day relationship that makes it hurt so much, or the fact that she creid for an hour when she realized she didn't like me anymore.
I have a major guilt complex and I feel responsible for a lot of things. Tonight, though, I realized that even though I've done some really stupid stuff over the years, I actually made a girl cry today. A girl I care for, no less. It makes me feel just a little more like a reject just knowing this, and I don't know if I can handle knowing that I made a girl cry just by being me.
I've been told that this isn't my fault, that I'm a good person, every piece of crap that anyone can pull out of their ass to try and make me feel better. I can't help but think, though, that it's a little weird for so many girls that I know and like to be at fault for broken relationships. I mean: five girls dumped me after going out for less than a month! Am I that annoying? Probably. I tell everyone that I know what I think, when I think it--and no matter how stupid I feel afterwards, I've never taken anything I say back. You'll notice that I leave each and every post up on this blog, untouched, other than to correct grammatical or typographical errors.
Sometimes, I think some really stupid stuff, and this evening was no exception. A lot of things went through my mind tonight, thoughts about hurting myself, thoughts of just giving up altogether on life, and thoughts of flat-out going crazy. But then I realized that I was being selfish. This was as hard on Laura as it was on me--if not worse--and it would only make it worse for her if I did something stupid because of it.
I still like her and there's nothing that could ever change that, and I will never do anything that would hurt her. I've seen it before, but never really understood the feeling that people get when they are in love. I wonder if this is it?
I still care very much for her and I am willing to wait until the end of the world for her if that's how long it will take.
That's about what my life is at this point. I got dumped (again) this afternoon, and I'm not feeling too good.
I've been thinking a lot though. About girls, about my life, and about me. I've come to realize that pretty much everything I've ever sone just ends up hurting me in the end. Letting my feelings open up to anyone has nearly killed me more than once, but I still let it happen, over and over again. They say it's a sign of stupidity, doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results with each new try. I may have to agree with them, because I have to be really stupid to let myself get hurt over and over doing the same things over and over.
At most, three people read this blog, including myself, and Ben, who just reads it to make fun of me, so I'm pretty sure I know just about everyone who has read it before. You all know that I'm not perfect, but I'd consider myself a nice person, though I must not be good enough for anyone out there. Sure, they all say things, like "I really like you, but now's not the time for me, " or the ever-popular "I think we should just be friends from now on." What these really mean is that the girl has gotten sick of me and they want to get rid of me as quickly and as easily as possible for them to. I know from experience--five girls in less than two years.
But this time is different. Yes, I've been through being dumped plenty of times, but this time hurts me more than any of the others. I don't know if it's the fact that I made a new record of a three day relationship that makes it hurt so much, or the fact that she creid for an hour when she realized she didn't like me anymore.
I have a major guilt complex and I feel responsible for a lot of things. Tonight, though, I realized that even though I've done some really stupid stuff over the years, I actually made a girl cry today. A girl I care for, no less. It makes me feel just a little more like a reject just knowing this, and I don't know if I can handle knowing that I made a girl cry just by being me.
I've been told that this isn't my fault, that I'm a good person, every piece of crap that anyone can pull out of their ass to try and make me feel better. I can't help but think, though, that it's a little weird for so many girls that I know and like to be at fault for broken relationships. I mean: five girls dumped me after going out for less than a month! Am I that annoying? Probably. I tell everyone that I know what I think, when I think it--and no matter how stupid I feel afterwards, I've never taken anything I say back. You'll notice that I leave each and every post up on this blog, untouched, other than to correct grammatical or typographical errors.
Sometimes, I think some really stupid stuff, and this evening was no exception. A lot of things went through my mind tonight, thoughts about hurting myself, thoughts of just giving up altogether on life, and thoughts of flat-out going crazy. But then I realized that I was being selfish. This was as hard on Laura as it was on me--if not worse--and it would only make it worse for her if I did something stupid because of it.
I still like her and there's nothing that could ever change that, and I will never do anything that would hurt her. I've seen it before, but never really understood the feeling that people get when they are in love. I wonder if this is it?
I still care very much for her and I am willing to wait until the end of the world for her if that's how long it will take.
[I am not an atomic playboy.]
Bleh.
It's all crappy outside, I've got a cold, and Laura says she's sick. I hate winter. A lot. No. More than that. A ton.
Today has sucked so far, and to top it all off, I have to go to work in an hour.
Ugh.
It's tuesday, so *hopefully* it won't be too busy at the Basket tonight. I stopped by last night after I dropped Laura off at her house and it wasn't too bad in there, and usually tuesday is a calm night becuase everyone is out of money (like me).
Yarg.
I don't have a whole lat I can do in an hour, so I'm just sitting here listening to Bassic's Daydreamer CD. He released it a little more than a year ago for free download off his website, so I got it. Then, he started charging for it and coincidentaly I had to reformat my hard drive soon after. So I backed up all my media to Seth's computer and He just burned me the CD again. *yay* Bassic is awesome. I love his EI song. A lot.
Eh.
Nothing else to write about at the moment.
--Jake
Bleh.
It's all crappy outside, I've got a cold, and Laura says she's sick. I hate winter. A lot. No. More than that. A ton.
Today has sucked so far, and to top it all off, I have to go to work in an hour.
Ugh.
It's tuesday, so *hopefully* it won't be too busy at the Basket tonight. I stopped by last night after I dropped Laura off at her house and it wasn't too bad in there, and usually tuesday is a calm night becuase everyone is out of money (like me).
Yarg.
I don't have a whole lat I can do in an hour, so I'm just sitting here listening to Bassic's Daydreamer CD. He released it a little more than a year ago for free download off his website, so I got it. Then, he started charging for it and coincidentaly I had to reformat my hard drive soon after. So I backed up all my media to Seth's computer and He just burned me the CD again. *yay* Bassic is awesome. I love his EI song. A lot.
Eh.
Nothing else to write about at the moment.
--Jake
Monday, March 08, 2004
["Well, that was interesting"]
Just got back from the movies a little bit ago. Went to see Starsky and Hutch with Laura, and that's the first thing the said after the movie was over. I get the feeling she didn't like the movie too much. Personally, I didn't think it was all that great either, but it was worth it because of the company.
Just got back from the movies a little bit ago. Went to see Starsky and Hutch with Laura, and that's the first thing the said after the movie was over. I get the feeling she didn't like the movie too much. Personally, I didn't think it was all that great either, but it was worth it because of the company.
Sunday, March 07, 2004
[Duct Tape Use #125: Toilet Seat Cover]
I can't seem to understand it, but there was been one thing that all of my thoghts have revolved around for the past couple of days. Whether I'm cleaning my car, as I did this morning, or I'm at work cleaning up the mess of Ranch Dressing someone decided to leave in the middle of an aisle, there has been one thing on my mind: Whitesnake. lol, no, not Whitesnake. It's been Laura, my girlfriend. Yes, believe it or not, I am going out with someone, like I said in my last post. And unlike some other people I know, we aren't the kind of couple that bases our relationship on lust (at least not yet :P). There's no way that can explain why I like her as much as I do. She's smart, she's funny, and she's really pretty too. How she ended up liking me, of all people, I'll never know.
I sit here in my computer chair, in front of my computer screen, trying to hear the music from my headphones over the blenderlike noises coming from my computer, and no matter what is going on, I just can't seem to stop thinking about her. My one fear at this point is that we'll grow apart like she and Matt did. Yes, Matt, her last boyfriend (I think), and one of my close friends. I don't konw why I've done it, but I broke one of my personal rules by dating my friend's ex. No, it's not like she's his property or anything, but I just usually don't make it a habit to do this. I haven't talked to him since the morning before Laura and I started going out, but I can't help but wonder how he feels about all this. *le sigh* I just hope he isn't too mad...
I can't seem to understand it, but there was been one thing that all of my thoghts have revolved around for the past couple of days. Whether I'm cleaning my car, as I did this morning, or I'm at work cleaning up the mess of Ranch Dressing someone decided to leave in the middle of an aisle, there has been one thing on my mind: Whitesnake. lol, no, not Whitesnake. It's been Laura, my girlfriend. Yes, believe it or not, I am going out with someone, like I said in my last post. And unlike some other people I know, we aren't the kind of couple that bases our relationship on lust (at least not yet :P). There's no way that can explain why I like her as much as I do. She's smart, she's funny, and she's really pretty too. How she ended up liking me, of all people, I'll never know.
I sit here in my computer chair, in front of my computer screen, trying to hear the music from my headphones over the blenderlike noises coming from my computer, and no matter what is going on, I just can't seem to stop thinking about her. My one fear at this point is that we'll grow apart like she and Matt did. Yes, Matt, her last boyfriend (I think), and one of my close friends. I don't konw why I've done it, but I broke one of my personal rules by dating my friend's ex. No, it's not like she's his property or anything, but I just usually don't make it a habit to do this. I haven't talked to him since the morning before Laura and I started going out, but I can't help but wonder how he feels about all this. *le sigh* I just hope he isn't too mad...
Saturday, March 06, 2004
[New Blogger Posting Method]
"I should be updating more often." Sorry about that.
Today was the last day of our FIRST competition. It was held at the Verizon Wireless Arena in Manchester, New Hampshire. We locals just call it the Verizon. Well last year we placed "42nd out of 42 teams" as Mr Kelly said to the newscaster interviewing him. Today we were in the third place alliance. Woot.
Even more interesting than the competition is the award that we won. Ryan Cummings, our programmer, made one of the best efforts I've ever seen or make this robot work. This year he programmed eight different types of codes and constructed a program box to load each of them before each match. For his efforts, we got the Leadership in Programming Award, a very high honor. Just as his luck happens to fall, he left early last night to go to his friend's house.
Better than that, I got Woodie Flowers to take one of my bandanas. It took some trying, but it eventually worked out well. I told him to take it and he said "Well, I don't think I can take that, but how about you sign my shirt?" Eventually, I got him to take the bandana. No big deal, right? Well you don't know Woodie Flowers, then. He usually refuses to take things from students because he feels too modest, like we're better than him. Whatever.
Even better than that, Over the past three days, I got much closer to my friend Laura. So close, in fact, that we started going out. :)
Guess that's all for now. Later.
--Jake
"I should be updating more often." Sorry about that.
Today was the last day of our FIRST competition. It was held at the Verizon Wireless Arena in Manchester, New Hampshire. We locals just call it the Verizon. Well last year we placed "42nd out of 42 teams" as Mr Kelly said to the newscaster interviewing him. Today we were in the third place alliance. Woot.
Even more interesting than the competition is the award that we won. Ryan Cummings, our programmer, made one of the best efforts I've ever seen or make this robot work. This year he programmed eight different types of codes and constructed a program box to load each of them before each match. For his efforts, we got the Leadership in Programming Award, a very high honor. Just as his luck happens to fall, he left early last night to go to his friend's house.
Better than that, I got Woodie Flowers to take one of my bandanas. It took some trying, but it eventually worked out well. I told him to take it and he said "Well, I don't think I can take that, but how about you sign my shirt?" Eventually, I got him to take the bandana. No big deal, right? Well you don't know Woodie Flowers, then. He usually refuses to take things from students because he feels too modest, like we're better than him. Whatever.
Even better than that, Over the past three days, I got much closer to my friend Laura. So close, in fact, that we started going out. :)
Guess that's all for now. Later.
--Jake
Tuesday, February 17, 2004
[Happy...ThanksgivingChristmasNewYearValentine'sDay...That went by fast.]
Yeah I just didn't feel like posting at all for the past...well couple months. Not much has happened in these months.
Just before Thanksgiving I went to MIT for an annual set of seminars and stuff to make us more cultured...culture? Mmmm...yogurt...
Meet the Candidates Night at school was productive back in December. That was the UberProject that Gleason assigned to us, never knowing how big it ended up being. We went to Applebee's afterwards and everyone acted drunk.
Christmas was cool, I got a bunch of stuff for my car and it's all pimped out now. I got TireFlys. light-up dice, cathode tubes for the inside, and a bunch of other stuff too. Brothar got Xbox and a bunch of games from me, and that collection is growing weekly.
New Year's was ok...had to work, so I was really tired and never watched that accursed ball drop. Whatever. After new Year's I had to do Fiscal Inventory, so everyone at the store was there for hours and hours :(.
New Classes started a little after New Year's (Spanish, CAD/Free Block, French, Trig.), and with the New Year means new FIRST game. check it out at www.usfirst.org . My friend Brandon and I are working on an animation for it this year, and we had one almost done until his hard drive died. D.I.E.D., as in RIP. can't even access it as a slave. So we have to make a much more Spartan animation than we had planned.
The rest of January was alright, and my boss Mr. Davis just left the store like last week to work at a store closer to his house. His replacement (Mr. Beaky lol) looks just like him. Scary, non? I've gotten a few compliments from the higher-ups at work saying I'm a good worker and stuff like that. I got my first promotion today...that means that instead of wearing a red "trainee's" apron, I have a blue "bagger's" apron. I really wanna move to Dairy, Produce, Meat, Grocery...somewhere but the front end, as it sucks.
The robot is sexy this year. Check it out on the chiefDelphi forums... I dont' remember the exact URL but just search for Team 134 Robot at www.chiefdelphi.com and you'll see it on the top of the list. ignore the idiot's comments.
Seth burned me a copy of the media form my old computer (before it crashed), and the 16 files that I wanted on the 4 cds he burned (about 2.4 GB) were the only 16 that didn't burn correctly. That's just my luck these days.
I'm addicted to anime now, especially the "really sad for Americans to like" animes, like Azumanga Daioh and Chobits ;'( *tear*. I think my favorite, though, is Last Exile. Head on over to the MegaTokyo forums and there is a board where you can post your favorite animes and why.
I guess that's all that there is to post about tonight. If I feel like I missed anything at all, you know I'll post it, whether you wanna hear it or not.
--Raine
Yeah I just didn't feel like posting at all for the past...well couple months. Not much has happened in these months.
Just before Thanksgiving I went to MIT for an annual set of seminars and stuff to make us more cultured...culture? Mmmm...yogurt...
Meet the Candidates Night at school was productive back in December. That was the UberProject that Gleason assigned to us, never knowing how big it ended up being. We went to Applebee's afterwards and everyone acted drunk.
Christmas was cool, I got a bunch of stuff for my car and it's all pimped out now. I got TireFlys. light-up dice, cathode tubes for the inside, and a bunch of other stuff too. Brothar got Xbox and a bunch of games from me, and that collection is growing weekly.
New Year's was ok...had to work, so I was really tired and never watched that accursed ball drop. Whatever. After new Year's I had to do Fiscal Inventory, so everyone at the store was there for hours and hours :(.
New Classes started a little after New Year's (Spanish, CAD/Free Block, French, Trig.), and with the New Year means new FIRST game. check it out at www.usfirst.org . My friend Brandon and I are working on an animation for it this year, and we had one almost done until his hard drive died. D.I.E.D., as in RIP. can't even access it as a slave. So we have to make a much more Spartan animation than we had planned.
The rest of January was alright, and my boss Mr. Davis just left the store like last week to work at a store closer to his house. His replacement (Mr. Beaky lol) looks just like him. Scary, non? I've gotten a few compliments from the higher-ups at work saying I'm a good worker and stuff like that. I got my first promotion today...that means that instead of wearing a red "trainee's" apron, I have a blue "bagger's" apron. I really wanna move to Dairy, Produce, Meat, Grocery...somewhere but the front end, as it sucks.
The robot is sexy this year. Check it out on the chiefDelphi forums... I dont' remember the exact URL but just search for Team 134 Robot at www.chiefdelphi.com and you'll see it on the top of the list. ignore the idiot's comments.
Seth burned me a copy of the media form my old computer (before it crashed), and the 16 files that I wanted on the 4 cds he burned (about 2.4 GB) were the only 16 that didn't burn correctly. That's just my luck these days.
I'm addicted to anime now, especially the "really sad for Americans to like" animes, like Azumanga Daioh and Chobits ;'( *tear*. I think my favorite, though, is Last Exile. Head on over to the MegaTokyo forums and there is a board where you can post your favorite animes and why.
I guess that's all that there is to post about tonight. If I feel like I missed anything at all, you know I'll post it, whether you wanna hear it or not.
--Raine
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