If there is one thing I have learned, it's that the best way to get hurt is to love someone.

"It hurts to love, to care."

It's pretty pathetic, really. I know that I shouldn't anymore. I have every reason not to, but I still do.
Even though I know nothing can ever come from it, I can't stop loving her. It tears me up that I can't give up on it, because I know she's happier without me and better off.
I'm not strong enough to just walk away.

I haven't added anything to this for a while. I haven't had anything to write for at least that long. I got to wondering, though, whether she's really happier without me, and then I realized she must be. At least I hope she is. Maybe my soul wants to find peace in the fact that all the pain I'm still going through every day isn't for nothing.

[they always finish last.]
so ive been doing some thinking lately, and i think it might be about time for me to give up this nice guy personality. sure, its who ive been all my life, but its not really working out for me.
most everybody looks past me because ive never stood out as memorable, and that kind of pisses me off. everybody that takes the time to know me is always too afraid to be themselves around me because they dont think they can be mad at the nice guy, and even if they are, they wont tell me so i never know anything is wrong.
so my new goal in life isnt going to be to make people happy like it used to be. im going to look out for myself and no one else. nobody is really looking out for me, anyways, whats the point in trying to help them?
im sure i sound like a real asshole right about now, but you know what? i dont give a shit. as a matter of fact, i think thats a good thing.

when i joined the navy they said that id be living a completely different life.
they were right.
ive given up everything from my life now, and to be honest, it feels kinda shitty.