I don't know how I get myself into these stupid situations. It doesn't happen often, but sometimes I do something that I really, truely do regret. Most of the time it just screws me. But this time it's big, and it's going to hurt someone no matter what I do about it.

A couple years ago I was pretty good friends with a girl. We dated, then she dumped me about three days later. Last fall we reconnected, we've been pretty good friends since. She lives around Pembroke, so when I come home from New York for the weekends, we hang out.

The spring of my junior year, I met another girl. We talk about everything, pretty much all the time. I really like her a lot. When I started dating Karen, she and I didn't talk too much, but I just figured it was because she was busy or whatever. Lately, I found out that this girl liked me, which was crazy, considering that I really liked her (sounds a bit like high school, doesn't it?). We aren't dating (we haven't even seen each other in years), but in the next week she will be going to school in NYC, so I'm going to visit her, already made plans for it.

This weekend was my four day weekend. I came home from Saratoga so that I could spend some time with my brother and hang out with the first girl. Thursday night I went out to eat with her and then we went to the beach. One thing lead to another and we had sex.

What's really bad about that is that I wasn't even thinking about it, I never intended to have sex with her, it just happened. Then last night we hung out again, I figured it would be nice just because she's leaving for her school today. We went to the beach then to the school I used to go to and sat in the field to watch the stars. Eventually she was moving on me, and I wasn't doing anything to resist, so we had sex again...

Afterwards she wanted to talk, just like every time a girl has sex. She started talking about different things, one of which was that she was a virgin before me, and she seemed really clingy. Don't get me wrong, I like this girl as a friend, but the way she was talking seemed really...I don't know. She was talking about how she told her friends about me, and how none of them thought that we could work out. I didn't have the heart to tell her that I didn't want a relationship from her right then, even though I should have. I'd already made enough mistakes this weekend, I was too ashamed to admit to another.

I just don't know what I need to do. On the one hand, I like Alex, a lot. On the other, Laura is a really nice girl, and I don't want to hurt her. I think the best path to take is to just tell them both that I'm an idiot and that I can't be with either. It will hurt three people at once, but at least I won't be happy. And at this point, I really don't deserve to be.