This is really beginning to piss me off. I can't seem to make things stay consistent lately.
The other night I thought that I still had feelings for Karen, but for the past couple days I'd been thinking about why I did, and I couldn't find any reason. It brought me to thinking about whether I really still did like her, and I realized that she's treated me like I didn't deserve her trust, like I was some sort of creature that was just there without any kind of mind of his own, like I couldn't think for myself and needed to be protected from the truth.
Why should I like her at all? There were two important things that I gave her that I expected back, trust and love. She never returned on either of those, and I came to that realization a while back, but it never struck me as hard as just now.
I don't like her anymore, I don't even think we should have been friends to begin with. She was way too immature for me to consider her someone that I would have liked to be friends with lately, so what part of me should have wanted her before?
That pain in my heart, I realized, was the pain of regret. I really do feel bad that I "held her back" or "trapped her" as she said, but I'm more pissed off that she didn't treat me like an equal, that she lied to me and told me that she loved me, and all that time she never did.